Lunar Eclipse: Part I (Pokemon)

Chapter 5

December 5, 2016

Another event week has passed. Let's start at the beginning.

Hau ignored me the day after I yelled at him. I did not really expect anything different. At lunch, he sat with a group of students I had not bothered to get to know. I thought I would have to eat alone when Lillie sat across from me.

She gave me a small smile. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," I said.

"Are you going to apologize with Hau?"

I frowned. "Why should I? I finally got him to leave me alone."

"But he was hurt by what you said. Don't you want to make up with him?"

I looked over at the other side of the lunch room where he chatted with his classmates. I heard him give a long, unnecessarily loud laugh. Then I returned my attention to my food. "No, I'm good. He'll get over it. He probably was only hanging around me because I was a novelty to him. He'll find something new and shiny tomorrow."

Lillie shook her head. "He's not a Rockruff. I don't think you're giving him enough credit. I think he could be good for you. You're so serious all the time. What's wrong with having a little fun every now and then?"

I sighed. "I don't have time to mess around. I have goals to accomplish. I can't let anyone get in my way."

"What about your friends?"

I moved my food around with my fork. "Friends are great, but they're not my focus right now. I'm trying to fulfill my dream with my Pokémon. I don't need anyone else."

Lillie grew quiet. After a minute, she said in a soft voice: "Maybe they need you. I did once."

I looked up at her in surprise. Her eyes held an emotion I could not place. Without another word, she stood up, picked up her tray, and walked to Hau's table. I told myself it was better this way.

I found myself in an irritable mood for the next several days. I did not understand it. I had thought Hau's antics were what bothered me, so why was I even unhappier now? And it was not guilt that I was feeling. It was not that Lillie was unhappy with me either. She did not spend as much time with me as before, but she still talked to me like normal.

I should have relished the silence. This was what I wanted. I had had trouble making friends since my brother died, and my old friends eventually abandoned me because of my somber attitude. I convinced myself I did not care. Maybe part of me even believes I do not deserve friends for what I let happen to Elio.

The long walks on my own started to drive me crazy. I think I even began to bug my Pokémon. With the silence came a lot of time to think, and I realized why that was a problem. I had not noticed that my nightmares had become less frequent until they came back in full force. It seemed my mind had nothing better to do than bring up images from my past. I wanted to focus on my future, but somehow that seemed out of reach.

I challenged Joey, the second trainer at school, on Friday. It was my Meowth against his Butterfree. I thought I tried my hardest, but stupid mistakes kept messing me up.

"Are you sure your head's on right?" Joey said after his victory. "Sort your life out before you take me on again."

His words stung. I did not know what I was supposed to do. I talked it over with Lillie, but she did not have any helpful suggestions. There was no way this could be about Hau. Had I become so used to him that even his absence affected me? Lillie suggested that what happened with Hau was only a symptom of something deeper. Thankfully, she didn't pry.