Claudia Styles Dirty Little Secret

Can't Love You More Than This...

Can’t Love You More Than This...

Claudia’s POV

“How about Danielle and I fill the boys in while you and Harry can have a chat yeah?” Eleanor asked breaking the awkward tension between us all. 

Everything had gone silent for a good 5 minutes after Harry and I’s little discussion.

Eleanor took Louis and Zayn’s hand pulling them out of the room, their so nosey, while Danielle giggled as Liam pulled her and Niall out to. 

Which just left Harry and I, alone… to sort all this mess out. I was tired of being angry, of them being angry at me, of the silence. It was time everything got back to normal with the boys. 

“So… are we going to talk about this or just sit in silence?” I joked flashing him a grin while sitting down. He ran a hand over his face sighing. 

My grin faded as I realised he wasn’t in the mood to joke around with this. I thought it would make things easier but obviously not. 

“Claudia, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you everything, we just didn’t want to worry you, I knew you’d be annoyed and stressed over missing Zayn’s birthday and at the time we decided it was for the better of your recovery that you didn’t know it was mine, we were planning on tell you this weekend but, you found out first” His lecture slowly faded into nothing as I took a deep breathe understanding. 

I couldn’t be mad, they were right I would have gotten worked up about everything and I already had enough stress on my plate with having all the unresolved issue’s with the boys, I was going to put aside everything because right now, it was time to make up with Harry, we were in need of some good brother/sister bonding. 

“Harry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything, I shouldn’t have lied to you guys, I shouldn’t have pretended everything would be okay, I just wanted so badly for everything to go away, I thought I could handle him on my own, but I couldn’t and I let him take everything that was mine.” I felt a tear slip down my cheek, as Harry moved swiftly to my side placing an arm around my waist. 

“Why didn’t you just tell us? We could have helped! We could have…” His sentence came to a stop, as I placed my hand up to silence him. 

“Don’t you see Harry, keeping you away meant he couldn’t hurt you! He wanted to take away everything that meant something and I feared that I might lose you all, I couldn’t bare the thought of the ones I loved getting dragged into my mess,

I thought that maybe if I pushed you away, told you lies that he would just focus on me, but it did nothing! He still got to me, to you all, I only wish I had at least told you some truth so you weren’t so quick to believe everything he said” Harry’s eyes soften, his mouth forming an O shape as realisation hit him. 

“I still get flash’s of the looks on your faces, the hate, the horror, the disgust. It still haunts me to this day. It was the moment I realised I really had lost, that everything I loved was gone, the people I thought loved me were gone….they hated me” I chuckled dryly thinking back to the moment on the beach, the smile Ryan wore, the hurt in Louis’ eyes, the hate in Harry’s. 

Every night I was haunted by their faces, some nights I couldn’t even sleep, I just kept replying over and over the minute I felt my heart break, my quick decision and then the feeling I had just before I wanted to jump. 

“Claudia, we didn’t hate-” Harry tried to comfort but I wanted none of it. 

“No! Harry let me finish please” The look in my eye made him nod, he knew I had things to get off my chest.