Born To The Barrio's Best: Chris Jackson and Mandy Gonzalez/COMPLETE

Seven (Abortion Or No?)

(Chris' POV)

"Chris, we need to decide on what we're going to do. Together. I can't make this decision on my own. Not again." Mandy said, sitting at the table, drinking coffee. I was working on a birthday card for Isabella. Her birthday was the next day and I wanted to make her a homemade card.

"Okay." I set down the pen I was using and leaned across the table so I could take my girlfriend's hands in mine. "We could do a pros and cons list."

"That's a good idea. Let's list out the pros of having a baby."

In the end our list looked like this:

Pros:
•Bella would have a sibling

Cons:
•Waking up multiple times a night
•Wouldn't be able to perform as Nina
•Labor and delivery

Not too much in either, but it was all we could come up with. "So, abortion is the decision." Mandy spoke slowly. "Okay. I'll go in after rehearsal tomorrow."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"It's for the best, Chris." She said matter of factly. I rubbed circles into her hands and she smiled softly.

"This doesn't change how I feel about you Mandy. You are still the love of my life."

"I'm glad."

~~~

We sat in rehearsals. Alex Lacimore sighed heavily. "From the top! Mandy, you aren't sounding like you're Nina. You're supposed to be disappointed in yourself! Once you get your part down, we'll add everyone else!"

"This is my street. I smile at the faces I've known all my life. And everyone's sweet. They say 'You're going places'. So how can I say, that while I was away, I had so much to hide. Hey guys it's me, the biggest disappointment you know. The kid couldn't hack it, she's back, and she's walkin' real slow. Welcome home, just breathe. Just breathe.

"As the radio plays and forgotten boleros, I think of the days when this city was mine. I remember the praise, 'Te adoro, te quiero'. The neighborhood waved and said 'Nina be brave and you're gonna be fine'. And maybe it's me, but it all seems like lifetimes ago. So what do I say to these faces that I used to know? 'Hey I'm home'. Hey, they're not worried about me. They are all counting on me to succeed. I am the one who made it out, the one who always made the grade. But maybe I should have just stayed home!

"When I was a child, I stayed wide awake, climbed to the highest place on every fire escape, restless to climb. I got every scholarship, saved every dollar. The first to go to college. Can I tell them why I'm coming back home? With my eyes on the horizon. Just me and the GWB asking gee Nina, what'll you be?

"Straighten the spine. Smile for the neighbors. Everything's fine, everything's cool. The standard reply, lots of tests, lots of papers. Smile, wave goodbye, and pray to the sky, oh god, what will my parents say? Can I go in there and say, I know that I'm letting you down! Just breathe."

"Good. Better. Not perfect, but getting there." Alex said. Mandy nodded.

"Okay, let's try When You're Home." Lin piped up.

"I used to think we lived at the top of the world, when the world was just a subway map. And the 1-9 climbed a dotted line to my place."

~~~

I sat in the waiting room. Mandy had opted to get the abortion alone. I respected her choice. It had been 45 minutes when a nurse came out. "Mr. Jackson?" He called. I stood.

"Ms. Gonzalez is okay, she just needs a couple minutes to...well...I hate this choice of words, but to get over it. Like I said, bad choice of words. Also, she's asking for you."

I was lead to Mandy. As I sat down, Mandy broke down. I felt totally and utterly helpless. I rubbed her back, kissed her temple and hummed. "Am I a monster for going through with that?" She asked.

"No! You aren't a monster. I know you feel that way now, but you aren't." That seemed to calm her down because the next thing she said was that she was ready to go home.

When we did get home both Mandy's parents were in our living room. Odd. Bella was with my parents tonight.

"What are you doing here?!" Mandy hissed. I placed my hand on her arm.

"I came because I got this message from your daughter."

(Voicemail)

"Abuela Robin? Mama and Daddy don't want my baby brother or sister...I'm sad."

(Voicemail over)

Mandy looked at me. "How the hell did she find out?!"

"I don't know, Mandy, but she did. And that's the last straw. I will be fighting you for custody of Isabella Jackson-Gonzalez." Mrs. Gonzalez said and marched out the door with Mr. Gonzalez close behind.

I was raging. "She can't take our baby girl! That can't be allowed! It's not like we didn't try to keep it a secret!"

"I am fucking done with her. Just done. If she is going to fight us for custody and thinks she'll win, she's very mistaken."

"Very." I let tears fall. Screw being strong. I wasn't strong. In fact, I was terrified. What if she did get custody? That would hurt more than a knife or a razor blade.

"Chris? Honey! We won't let her win. I promise. Okay? I promise."

"If I hadn't come back into your life, none of this would be happening. We wouldn't have to worry about your mother getting custody. It's all my fault."

"No it's not. Don't think like that. Bella loves you more than anything and so do I. I'm so glad you're back and that I get to go to bed with you every night." Mandy pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. This is what it meant to be an actual boyfriend.