P.J
My heart was drowning, I stood out side Jins door my hands trembling, the sound of my own bloody pumping was echoing inside my ears.
I gulped down trying my best not to let the tears fall but of course it wasn't a success.
Instead I only burning my face on my hands.
No, I don't remember jack shit.
However, Jin is still my hyung, he was and is an important person in my life, I may not have memories of him being important, but every time I'm near him, every time he talks to me, the love is just so visible.
The way his honey coloured eyes look at me, the way his soft voice calls out my name.
Of course he fucking important.
Along, he been hiding all of his pain just so that the rest of us don't feel heavy with guilt.
Just so we can be happy.
Shortly I wiped the salty liquid away with my sleeves before struggling back on my legs.
I gently twisted the door knob Trying my best not to make any noise possible; I then softly pushed the door revealing the two males holding each other every so tightly and fast asleep.
Quietly, I made my way towards the male and looked down upon them.
Arms linked together, head resting against each other.
Honestly, I felt envy rushing through my blood streams.
But before I felt any more negativity, I leaned down and placed a quick kiss on top of both their cheeks and rushed out of the dark room.
Once I was out, for a few minute I just stayed there,frozen, not knowing what to do with the new found information.
Go
Just go
Wheel like hell
A voice whispered to me
And that's what I did.
I pushed my wheelchair forward.
Without a seconds though I was pushing myself in top speed not caring that it was 12 at midnight or the fact that the lights were all off and there was a high risk of me injuring myself again.
I just kept pushing
Don't know where, but I just kept pushing
Past every room, past every office, past every iconic painting.
Then to the elevators and pressed the highest number.
My lungs were burning and screaming.
There was a lump in my through, that was desperate to escape into open air.
A lump of guilt.
A lump that was impossible to remove.
The elevator game to a stop and the door opened.
My arms feel weak, yet I still kept pushing until I reached that door.
That door to freedom.
I stretched my arms in front of me and pushed open the door.
The nights cold air hit my face.
It's slender finger ran through my hair, and it's loneliness wrapped itself around my body.
The sky was like blue velvet decorated with the words finest diamonds.
The moon smiled at me; her eyes layers with tears and her cheeks stained.
I gripped tightly onto the metal fence surrounding the large area and pulled myself to my feet.
Each and every oxygen I inhaled and released felt like a puff of smoke.
A burning sensation that was just so painfully good.
Now scream
The moon smiled at my pitiful form.
Scream my child
And that's what I did.
I threw my head back and screamed like I was in severe pain.
I screamed
Yeah I screamed until my through felt dry and my voice was no where to be found.
Yet that lump still remained.
That guilt was carved inside me.
And there was absolutely no way for it to be removed.
And throughout the year, that lump with only get larger.
And the day he leaves, it might just get to much for me a handle.
I don't want him to leave
Why does he have to leave
Why lord
Why did this night end up taking such a dark turn?
Why did I end up hearing their conversation?
Why?
