Build-A-Boyfriend

9

I wake up to the sensation my bed shifting back and forth and the sound of Harry's groans.

There's a pause before he speaks;

"Oh sorry to wake you! I'm just cleaning for you. Thought I'd do behind your bed."

"Whaa?" I prise my eyes open and sit up.

He's wearing a floral apron that my mother bought me one Christmas and was flung somewhere in a cupboard. "It's..." I glance at the clock. "Jeez Harry, it's 6am!"

"Well," he continues rubbing his cloth along the skirting board behind me, "I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about how much money you'd had to pay for me. Then I was thinking about how all you wanted was a perfect boyfriend and you got me instead. Then I thought, right, I'll be your perfect boyfriend. I mean obviously I'm not genetically programmed to do it-"

I wince, holding my hand up to stop his chatter. He smiles helpfully and almost trips over himself to hand me a cup of tea he's made.

"Look, Harry." I say tiredly, sipping at my drink, "you don't have to be perfect or change anything, ok? You definitely don't have to act like a servant. Try not to think about the money, or the factory or Dr Henderson."

"But you spent so much." He says unhappily. "I'm really sorry that I wasn't what you wanted."

"Of course you are." I grin up at him as he adjusts his apron. "Hey, I bet Juan doesn't clean for Marcia."

"Huh, they're probably still having sex." Harry mutters and I cough, snorting tea up my nose.

He pulls back the covers and climbs in next to me, grabbing his own cup of tea. As we sit, side by side, I glance at him, wondering how much he knows about sex, I mean, obviously he has no experience-

"You're wondering if you need to talk to me about the birds and the bees, aren't you?" He laughs suddenly. "Don't worry, I know all about it." The tips of his ears flush red. "Well. Technically. I mean I haven't actually, you know, done it myself yet but I get the general idea. It looks kinda messy actually-"

"How can you know about know about sex though?" I cut into his rambling.

"From the pod of course."

"But you can't remember what happened in there."

"No, not really. Just vague impressions I suppose. I just know that's where I got all of my knowledge about things. If you really wanted to you could learn more about your interests in there. I spent a lot of time reading poetry. Juan probably spent his whole incubation period researching cheesy chat up lines and watching porn."

We both laugh and sip at our tea. Dave jumps in between us and to my annoyance, rejects my coaxing in favour of sitting on Harry's lap.

"I've got to be in work at 9." I sigh. "Is the air bed comfortable? I can pick you up a camp bed or something on my lunch break-"

"No it's fine." Harry smiles, digging his fingers into Dave's hairy little face. "What should I wear?"

"What for?"

"Work."

"Oh... Oh, you can't come to work with me, Harry."

"Why not?"

"You just can't. It's not allowed."

"Oh. Ok." He looks dejected and I try and think up something for him to do. I've noticed that he gets bored just watching TV, I guess it's too similar to being in the pod. "I'll just stay here and clean up."