Build-A-Boyfriend

34

"Harry... Didn't I tell you to get rid of some of this stuff?"

Due to Harry's obsession with ordering things from Amazon, getting through the tiny hall and into the studio is now such a challenge that I'm thinking of hiring the hallway out as an assault course.

I squeeze between a lifesize statue of the Grinch and a large pile of Russian language DVDs, practically falling into the room.

"I did! I've sorted it into piles. I have a pile of stuff that I'm keeping and a pile I'm getting rid of." Harry glances at me over his shoulder. He's watching Dance Moms.

"Where is the 'getting rid of pile'?"

"There!" He points to a spot on the floor where there is a folded Pokémon t-shirt and a used chewing gum wrapper.

"I don't think so, pal."

"What?" He frowns, looking confused.

"Look, it's Christmas next month-"

"I know! You don't have to worry, I've ordered us a few trees-"

"A few?!" I stare round my tiny studio. "Harry, I'll let you put one tree up, but only if you get rid of at least half this stuff... You promised to have this sorted by the time I got home! We've got our next Dream Factory review tomorrow-"

"I have sorted it!"

"Not enough, Harry." I grab a random box from nearby. "You don't need all this stuff! Look at this... This..."

I stare down at the boxed vibrator in my hands.

"Um... Why to you have this?" I ask faintly, holding up the clear box containing huge phallic plastic vibrator.

"It's a back massager. I bought it for your mum for Christmas." He says haughtily.

"Harry this isn't..." I feel extremely weak at the thought of Harry presenting this to my mum over Christmas dinner.

"Isn't what?"

I exhale heavily, deciding to leave the explanations until later.

"Come on, let just make a start." I mutter.

Getting Harry to part with things is almost impossible. We're just arguing over why he needs a Kylie Jenner lip kit when the doorbell rings.

As I stand to answer it I notice Harry sneakily moving a few things from the 'get rid of' pile to his 'keep' pile.

After almost being lost under an avalanche of fitness DVDs, I pull the door open. It's begun to rain heavily and the sight that greets me is so pathetic my heart twists. Louis is standing there, completely drenched and shivering, twisting his velvet cap in his hands.

"Ah, fair maid." He valiantly tries to smile but he looks utterly miserable. "Tis' not fair weather for the earnest traveller."

As if to prove his point, a bright flash of lightning bursts behind him, accompanied by a low rumble of thunder.

"Louis, what's wrong?"

"I was just passing through and thought perchance you may be in residence..."

"Come in."

"I should not like to intrude upon-" he's cut off as I grab the front of his jacket and pull him inside whilst he mumbles apologies. I guide him through the maze of junk and into the sitting room. Harry's eyes widen at the sight of him and Louis attempts a cheery grin.

"Salutations, brother of mine heart!" Louis attempts to suppress a shiver and I make my way to the other side of the room to grab him a towel.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asks. "Where's Effie?"