I haven't done anything but sit in my bed for the last two days and I dunno what to do. My huge amount of only two friends I like are both busy. One is moving house and the other... Idk tbh. I want to die. I only became good friends with these people I don't know. Since September? Whenever I'm without company I just feel really emotional and I keep crying over books and getting way too excited over them. I was just squealing because a cute couple kissed- even though it had happened like 15 times already during other chapters. I think I might go insane if I don't socialize with a friend soon. I used to be a huge introvert idk what's going on but I don't know if I like it or not. Part of me does because I love socializing and its so nice when I do but I'm also scared I'll get too invested in people and then have no friends when they leave because that's what normally happens. It's happened with all my other friends I've had so why wouldnt it this time. I never felt as much as a connection though. I have one other friend who I actually enjoy hanging out with but she's normally busy and I hate all her other best friends. I'm being over dramatic but I seriously hate this and idk what to do. Even worse, I've used up all the pages in my sketchbook doing some scrappy watercolour paintings that are just shit like the rest of my work. I would have to go uptown by myself which isn't awful but still not fun. It would also require this thing that I don't have at the moment. About 15 quid. I need watercolour paper and that along with a decent amount of pages is too expensive for me to be able to get any time soon. the last one I got was 7 pounds and it only had about 10 pages. Hahahahahaha kill me I want to see my friends so bad what's gOinG ON?
