Trigger warning for me talking about my shit self image and how much I hate myself. Also mentions wanting to self harm.
Why can I not just believe people anymore? When people say they love me and they'll never leave me, I nod and smile and hug them and feel happy. I look on the brightside and see, hey, there are people who love me.
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And then I think about it, and I just call bullshit. Because they're lying to me, everyone else has left and people care in the moment and then they see what a a dick I an and they get bored of me and they hate me a behind my back and they leave. They don't want to put up with my bullshit. And nor di i! Everyday there's a time where I just stop and think about how much I hate myself, how I tryst people too much and how they'll use it against me. I wanna cut myself. I want to bleed and hurt and get everything I fucking deserve and feel while doing so. I'm not going to, know why? Because I'm a wimp and I want to see the result and feel sting but that's it becuase I'm a fucking wimp. I'm sorry I hate myself. Everyone will get bored or annoyed at me-thats just how it goes. Who will love me? Who will love me and I'll love them back? I just want to be normal, I want someone to hug me and me to hug back and feel how much I love th em.. My friend Riley just texted me saying that I'm manly and handsome. I told them how much o love that they are so naturally kind and sweet.
'What do you mean? You're very sweet and kind, I'm really not.' -R 'You really are. You just texted me that whilst I was venting and it made me smile.' -me
People like them should understand that they're important and beautiful and so valid and nice and ugh I just love them. They just UNDERSTAND. You know? They know how to make me feel better, fuck.
I.feel.bwtter, but I still know they'll get tired of me someday. Everyone does eventually.
