vent

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I mean I don't think this needs a trigger, there's no specific shit but tiny hints at minor abuse I guess


so my family is problematic and I was up until 5:30-6am last night and then arose from my slumber at 11am. TOMORROW I HAVE SCHOOL. I'M FIGHTING TO STAY AWAKE BECAUSE MY SLEEPING ROUTUNE IS SO FUCKED. FUUUUUUCK. and also family stress and I'm stressed. I'm just going through the motions of ow. just ow. like what the fuck dude?? the fuck do you think you are?? yesterday was a fucking trainwreck. I feel sick, dunno why, I'm physically healthy. think I just cried too much last night (shut up). ow. ow. ow. he better not fucking come back here. if he does... shit.

where do the boys go, when it gets cold out, do they have a place to sleep? where did there mums go? did they get taken? or had they had enough of taking care of things? it's hard to say if someone's at fault... if I don't do anything is it my fault? I've got to find a way to make this feel okay, when rock bottom for me is routine for someone else.

shit man. this is a really tricky place. I'm sorry to Ben and Will, and my brother. oh god. this ruined your night. not my fault, but I'm sorry. I hope you're all okay, it was fucking terrifying and I apologize. I'm so sorry.

PS. I can't actually talk to Ben and Will but I needed to get it off my chest.

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