Almost Broken: Carl Grimes fanfic

Chapter 26

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-Rylie's POV-

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Never in my life had I told anyone what happened to me. It's been 5 years since it happened and I thank god everyday that it had never happened again- that is until 3days ago with Dan...

"Ry." Rick says, irritated.

"Huh?" I guess I blanked out again.

"Can you hand me those flashlights?" He says, pointing to the counter. I hand him the flashlights but don't return to my previous thoughts; I don't want to go back there. I've been quiet lately and everyone could tell, but no one pushed me to talk. If I talked about what happened, I'd be sure to burst into tears. I have cried way to much in the past 3 weeks that I've been with Ricks group, starting with the prison, losing the prison, losing more people and I don't know how much more I can take of that. Lately my mind has been wondering back to Hallie. Has she told Alissa she's pregnant with Kyle's baby? Are they all still alive? Where are they?

"How far are we from the old cabin?" I blurt, completely random and I'm not sure what possessed me to ask.

"Sorry. Never mind, I don't need to know." I say quickly, taking my question back. Thankfully, Michonne, Carl, and Daryl were on perimeter watch outside the random house we decided to rand sack for supplies, they couldn't see Rick's questioning look.

"I just... I was thinking about Hallie and the others and was thinking they might've gone back to get their stuff.." I explain.

"I understand. But if they'd done that, it would've been two days ago. They're probably somewhere else by now, maybe even at terminus?" He says, walking closer to me. I almost step back, mind flashing to when he bit Joe's neck off, but I don't. I know he wasn't proud when he did that, he even told Daryl that. But I still can't get the horrifying image out of my head.

"Hopefully." I mumble.

Although something about terminus doesn't feel right. I mean really? Who the hell just invites random strangers from the train tracks into their safe haven in this world? I know if I had a safe place like they say it is then I sure as hell would not be inviting anyone and everyone in... But I'm kinda greatful that they are; our groups might even go there. I really don't know how I feel about terminus, i have very very mixed feelings about it I guess.

I snap out of my thoughts and grab random things like lint to start a fire with... I even grabbed a hair brush just because I left mine in my bag back at the cabin. I'm still wearing Carl's blue shirt he had given to me back at the prison, which I guess is now my blue shirt since I've never given it back and he's never asked for it. Out of all the houses we've been to in the last 3 days, none of them have girls clothes my size. It really sucks ass when normally I would've been a size 1 and fit into some of these clothes; I'm now like a size 00, thanks to not-as-frequent meals.

I haven't had a shower in days either which really sickens me... I still feel like Dan's touch is all over me since I haven't been able to shower and I cringe at the revolting situation.

"Ready to get movin?" Rick asks, brushing against my shoulder to get past me, pulling me out of my thoughts again.

"Yep.." I say lightly. I have just been exhausted, utterly and completely exhausted and I just want a place to sit down and sleep and rest and just take a break from all this moving from place to place. We're like neanderthal nomads, only we have a language and feelings and general knowledge. I pick up my bags and head out the door, soon to be met by Carl walking next to me.

"You okay?" He asks. He's asked me that a lot lately and my answer is always the same.

"Yeah." Even though it's a lie. I think he knows I'm lying when I say that, that's why he keeps asking.

"Good." He replies.

Carl and I haven't really had any time together since I haven't wanted to have time alone with him; and because I think Daryl is getting a bit over protective of me. Either that or he senses I don't want to be alone with Carl, which I wouldn't doubt because me and Daryl are more alike than I ever imagined we were..

Daryl steps in between me and Carl and I chuckle. We are back to walking on the tracks, stopping at any house we see and hoping that they'll have supplies.

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We end up stopping at a near by stream just to stock up on water and take a break. At this point I could sleep for days when I sit against a tree and close my eyes. I hear someone rustle some leaves near me and I lean up, only to see it's Carl. I lean my head back against the tree and close my eyes.

"Are you tired?" He asks.

"No Carl I'm perfectly awake." I mumble, my sarcasm level on overload as I spoke to him.

"No need for attitude, I'm tired too. I just wanted to know if we needed to stop or not." He says and I glance over to see him doing the same thing I am with his head against the tree.

"Even if we stop, we don't really Stop, we never do. We never stop being scared for our lives every second of everyday." I say and the second it's out I wish I hadn't.

Goddamn I never have a filter! Lately it seems like I say the first thing that's on my mind without thinking it through first.

It's quiet for a few minutes before he talks again.

"Ry? A couple days ago back at the cabin... What did you mean when you said all our lives would be better if you were bit?"

"Carl out of everything that's just happened in the past few days you choose to ask me that?" I sit up and look at him, and he does the same.

"Do you really think that it'd be better if you were dead?" He says, ignoring my question and asking his own. I shake my head and lean back against the tree again. We shouldn't even be having this conversation right now...

"You know better than anyone that a shit ton of things happened that day." I snap at him.

"I know Rylie but I just want to know why you said it? What in the hell was going through your mind when you said that to me and why you thought it was true?" He pushes again.

"Carl I can't fucking think about that! That day, a whole lot of shit happened. Hallie told me she's pregnant, then-"

"Hallie's pregnant?" His mouth drops.

"Yes she's fucking pregnant. And then that herd came through and I lost my sister!" I snap again.

"I lost my sister probably for good this time! You don't even know how that fucking feels!" I say, breathing heavily. All of a sudden it hits me; I realize what I just said to him.. And he just stares at me, hard expression on his face.

"More than you could understand." He whispers to me in the most horrifying way, stands up, and then storms away.

What the hell did I just do?

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((Hey guys!!!!! Sorry if the thoughts on this chapter seemed sort of scattered, but they are supposed to be.. My thoughts were so scattered trying to write this but at the same time that's exactly how Rylie's thoughts are supposed to be after what had happened to her so I hope I have off that impression! PLEASE do not forget to vote and tell me what you think of this chapter?? The more feedback I get, the more motivate I am to write the next chapter so just keep that in mind!

Love you

-xoxoxo. ))))