Almost Broken: Carl Grimes fanfic

Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Rylie's POV

Carl and I climb trees and laugh basically the entire day, all the while Michonne and Rick pretty much just walk around the farm, looking at old crops that are possible for replanting.

"The sun is setting." Carl says, looking out to the sun set as he sits across from me on the other tree.

"Yeah." I sigh. "It is.." I chuckle remembering how exactly we got to where we are now- separate trees. I was too stubborn to climb up the one that I called dibs on that he so rudely climbed before me. I insisted that I needed another tree because our egos are too big to share just one tree.

"We should probably go in." He mumbles.

"I just wanted to stay out here to make sure Daryl got back okay.." I say and drop my head down to look at my fidgety hands.

"Rylie." Carl calls and I look up. "Daryl is a smart guy, plus he has Lauren. They'll be alright." He grins halfway at me and I get butterflies has his cute smirk. I don't say anything though, just sitting on the tree staring at my hands again.

"Okay?" He asks, just to make sure I'm listening and I nod my head.

I start to climb down the tree as Carl does the same. I slowly walk so he can catch up to me.

"Do you think I'll ever get my old memories back?" I blurt.

"Maybe one day... Maybe something is gonna happen that makes you remember like, someone you see or.. I don't know... Something might happen to you for you to remember? You never know Rylie, you could take a drink of water and wake up in the morning, remembering everything." He chuckles. "It all just depends on how your brain works and what happens to you, you know?" He looks at me as we walk up the front porch steps.

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what I'm about to say. I stop in front of Carl and take another huge breath.

"Okay well I know it sounds stupid but I'm scared of remembering everything and things I don't think I want to remember like what happened to my mom or what I've been through or even what other people went through while I was there and I know that you guys are continuously telling me how I was and what I said before but I'm scared that when I remember I'll see the images of what happened to me and I think the mental image of it all is going to be the worst part."

I step back, breathing hard and fairly surprised at how quickly I was talking.

Carl's eyebrows raise and he shakes his head, I'm assuming to try to comprehend everything I just said.

"So.... You don't want to remember..." Is all he says to me, and I can tell it totally crushes him. His normal happy blue eyes have now gone low and sad, making me feel like shit that I just said that to him.

"Honestly I don't know." I bite my bottom lip and look at him for a response.

He nods and then makes a glance back to the door of the house, signaling to me that he's done with the conversation and I'm the idiot that ruined a perfectly good day. Great job Rylie. Way to fuck it up. You sure know how to sweet talk the boys.

I shake my head and follow Carl inside. I sit down on the couch in the living room and pick up a pen from the counter, hoping to find paper somewhere in the house. Eventually, I do.

For an hour at the most, I sit there at the couch, paper on the coffee table and furiously doodling out my confusion and frustration and guilt and basically everything else I was feeling at the time of the doodle. I got bored... So sue me. Some people have note books and diaries, well... I used to doodle randomly... I probably had many drawers in my room filled with random papers with little dates on the side to remind me of when I drew them... Now however, I can't really say what the day is.