Almost Broken: Carl Grimes fanfic

Chapter 39

Chapter 39
I didn't realize I had fallen asleep again this morning until I feel Rick waking me up. I squint my eyes and stretch and he laughs at me.

"Stop that." I mumble.
"I'm just laughing." Rick smiles.
"Well stop it's not nice to laugh at people, you know." I grin. Rick laughs and moves my hair behind my ear.
"Come on. There's breakfast downstairs." He laughs and gets up off the bed.
I do as he tells me and throw my hair up into a ponytail, following behind him down the stairs and into the kitchen. Carl slowly hands me a box of cereal to eat.

"So whose house is this?" I laugh as I eat the lucky charms Carl handed me.

"Hershel's." Carl says, not looking up at me, Rick and Michonne stay quiet.
"Oh... Sorry." I mumble. I wish I could just remember everything. I can't go 5 minutes without fucking up or saying something to make it awkward. Dammit.

"Where's Daryl? And Lauren?" I ask when I realize the two aren't here.
"Uuh, right." Rick says reluctantly.
"What?" I look at him, to Michonne, then back to him. "Where are they?" I ask again.

"This morning, Daryl came downstairs and asked us about Hallie." Michonne starts, and my stomach clenches at my sisters name.

"And?" I press on.
"He asked how old she was, what she looked like, where the last place we saw her at was-"
"He didn't-" I shake my head.
Rick nodded. "He pulled out a map of where that was and picked out the most likely places she'd be at now... Lauren said she'd go to because she knows what they all look like." Rick finishes...

They? Whose th- never mind. It's the people she was with. Okay, got it. Come on Ry, keep this shit straight in your mind.

"When did he leave?" I ask anxiously.

"Maybe 2 hours ago." Michonne says, and the whole time Carl is silent, just eating his cereal.

"Why the hell didn't he take me with him?!" I yell as I stand up from the table, gripping my head in frustration.

"You were asleep. I don't think he wanted to wake you." Rick says, and now I know Daryl must've decided all this after we talked this morning.

"I see you didn't have a fucking problem waking me up after he left now did you?" I spit at Rick and mentally slapping myself for being a bitch to him for no reason. He's only telling me what happened.

"Rylie, I-"
"Sorry." I cut him off and sit back down at the table, cradling my forehead in my hands and continuing.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have lashed out like that." I say and I feel my eyes burning, but I refuse to let myself cry again.

"It's okay. You have a right to."
"No," I shake my head. "I don't have the right to yell at you just because you told me the truth.." I mumble. Everyone is silent and I can't take it. I stand up from the table and sigh.

"I'm not hungry anymore, uhh, you can have this." I push my bowl of cereal into the middle of the table and leave the room. I go and sit out on the porch and look out at the farm. I'm guessing it's almost fall time. It's gotten cooler these past few days and the leaves aren't quite colorful, but they're definitely changing. I hear the porch door opening but I don't bother looking to see who it is. Unless it's Daryl, I don't care.

But of course, you could guess who it is that sits down next to me on the top step.

"Carl. I want to be alone." I mumble, not once looking at him.

"Me too." He says. I decide to look at him and glare, hoping he'll get the message. Instead he just looks at my face, grins a bit, pokes my cheek lightly, and laughs. And even though I wasn't in a good mood just two seconds before, that put a feeling in my stomach that I can't explain and an instant smile on my face.

"What do you want?" I ask and look away from him, back onto the sunrise.
"Truth or lie?" He asks me.
"Truth."
"The truth..." He sighs and looks at his hands. "I want you to remember me. I want you to remember everything. I want you to let me hug you and kiss you and just be with you but I know you don't feel that way anymore about me. But mostly? Rylie... I just want you to be happy. You know? I just want to see that smile on your face every day, even if it's not because of me. I want you to be happy." He just sits there, looking at me and waiting for me to say something but I don't. I'm not mad or sad or disappointed with his answer, I'm just processing. I bite my bottom lip and look at him.
He takes a breath and looks back at his hands. I sigh as well, and lean against the white wooden post that's holding up the roof awning. I put my feet up, pointing towards Carl and just stare at him, again not saying a word. He knows I'm staring at him, he just keeps avoiding my gaze, looking out to the sunrise, his hands, the woods... Pretty much looking everywhere besides me.

"You're too nice to me." I say, still staring at him.
"What?" He finally looks up at me, straightening his back and moving to the same position I'm in, only on the opposite side.
"I said, you're too-"
"I know what you said." He laughs and I roll my eyes. "I wanna know why you say that?"
"I say that because... Well because okay... So I know I call the old me bitch Rylie but. I've been the bitch. I'm so rude to you and here you are, being so nice to me." I shrug.
"I'm nice because I care about you and you don't seem to notice." He says.
"Well as you can probably tell from what I've told you, I'm not very experienced with the whole caring for me thing." I try to lighten the mood, but even mentioning what I told about my dad makes it all that much more awkward.

"I want you to understand that I will try my hardest not to let anything ever happen to you." He mumbles and I can tell that he means it.

"Thank you."

"Now," he stands up. "Let's go...." He looks around the farm, biting his lip. "Let's go climb some trees. You were good at it before, you still might be. Plus, I need the practice." Carl laughs and holds his hand out for me to grab, and I do.