eddie
as soon as i got home i burst into tears.
i ran to my bedroom, slamming the door shut as i clawed at my tear stained face with bitten nails. i couldn't believe myself.
i'd kissed richie, again. but this time, it wasn't just some stupid dare, no, it was more than that. it was so much more than that.
i lifted a trembling hand up to my lips as i felt the numbed and chapped skin there, picking at them harshly as if it would rid of my previous actions. i'd kissed richie, my best friend, a boy. and i'd liked it.
just thinking about it gave me butterflies, beautiful and audacious as they fluttered inside my stomach.
but their wings began to wilt and crumble like ash as the sickening guilt took over once more. the awful feeling that came with the horrifying realisation that settled unwillingly in the front seat of the car crash that seemed to be occurring within my head.
i had a crush on richie.
no,
i loved richie.
i was gay.
i loved, a boy.
i loved a boy who would never love me back, in a town full of people who would never accept it, and in a world where there there's no place for people like me.
people like me
and suddenly, the car was swerving off the edge of a cliff.
-
richie
i gazed longingly at the empty patch of grass that set itself in the middle of our group.
it was empty because eddie hadn't come to school today.
i knew it was most definitely my own fault that he'd decided to skip, but part of me hoped it wasn't because he regretted what he'd done. i know i didn't, not even a little bit. i'd wanted to kiss eddie again ever since the first time we did when he slept at my house, i'd just never really had a chance.
and what about now? did i have a chance with eddie? or would he not want to see me ever again? maybe for him it was merely an "in the moment" feeling, and when he returned to school he would refuse to associate with me.
there was a possibility that i was going to lose my best friend.
"you okay richie? you haven't made any 'your mom' jokes today."
asked beverly jokily, causing everyone to chuckle. stan scoffed and raised his eyebrows.
"it's probably because eddie isn't here, he misses his girlfriend."
i glared disapprovingly at stan as everyone laughed, my face turning red at the mention of eddie.
oh stan, if only you knew.
the laughter seemed to die down almost as soon as it had begun as they all realised that i didn't find it funny.
"d-dude he was jo-oking, has s-something happened between you t-two?"
