trigger warning
eddie
i screamed as loud as i could.
i screamed so loud i swear you could have heard me from the clouds. i screamed until my throat was raw and my ears rang, and i screamed until i couldn't anymore.
everything was so blurry, so unclear. i couldn't be here, i felt trapped.
and richie, my richie.
he'd left.
he'd had a mere glimpse of the apocalyptic carousel inside my head, he hadn't even seen the half of it. yet that was all it took for him to leave. he didn't want to have to deal with me anymore.
he didn't want me anymore.
but for me, richie was like the thick rimmed glasses that sat atop his nose. i needed him. as much as he irritated me sometimes, i needed him. without him, i couldn't see anything clearly, everything was a blur. without him, i wasn't me.
but all i could think of now, was that his glasses had been cracked, directly down the middle. the lenses were dirtied and shattered, and the frame had been broken so badly that that not even double sided sticky tape could fix them.
he didn't want me.
he promised he would never leave, and he did.
i swear on richie tozier's life, that i have never wanted to die as much as i did in that moment.
and slowly, that became my only clear thought.
i could do it. i could take my mothers razor and i could rip apart my arms until not a drop of life was left in my body. i could create a pretty necklace with the shower curtain, and stain my throat with its plaited patterns. i could slip a hundred pills inside my mouth, and rid myself of any sickness to come.
i could end it all right now.
but as my eyes trailed towards the bath and it's glowing silver faucets, i knew that there was only ever one way i would be able to do this.
i carried myself to the bath, and it took all the strength within me to do so. i limply lifted my legs over the side of the tub, neatly folding them in on eachother as i lowered myself down into it.
i looked down, and i noticed i still had my shoes on, so i gently pulled them off my socked feet and tidily lined them up on the floor by the side of the bathtub.
my body seemed to take control over any mental hesitance as it leaned forward and slowly turned the hot tap. cold water immediately spurted from the valve, dampening my socks and my shorts uncomfortably. but soon enough it grew warmer, so i twisted the other tap just as far. both taps were now running at an alarming velocity, filling the dead silence with melodic gushing. i allowed my fingers to dance along the small metal beads that supported the plug as i unraveled it from its position, dangling it above the drain beneath it. i watched the water swirl and disappear as it became engulfed by the forces pulling it in, part of me wishing i could crumble into as many pieces my heart was currently in and join the fluent stream of definitive despair.
my fate sealed itself shut as i let the plug fall into place, preventing any water from escaping. from that moment on, it didn't take very long for the bath to gradually fill up with lukewarm water, hugging my legs with determination as it creeped up and held onto my waist tighter than anyone i loved ever had.
my clothes were soggy and my skin was sore, but i couldn't find it in me to care.
the water abruptly stopped running, and it took me a minute to realise i had been the one to cause it. the bathtub was now almost full, too much movement from my part would no doubt cause it to spill from the sides, overflowing and flooding the floor.
