richie
we didn't hear from, or about eddie for two weeks.
after i left the hospital that day, i hadn't been contacted by him once. nor had anyone else contacted me about him. we all missed him, and he was always on my mind. but what hurt the most,
was that no one spoke about it.
break and lunch times were filled with shallow humour and awkward glances in my direction. everyone was overly weary of how they spoke and treated me; and i hated it. i hated the sympathy they all held for me and the way it peeked through the gaps in their teeth when they plastered fake smiles on their faces.
suddenly, i knew how eddie felt.
i realised how suffocating it was to have everyone pity you and corner you eagerly with handfuls of empathy and concern. to have fingers laced with guilt and assumptions shoved down your throat and prodded against the inside of your cheeks until all you can taste is glue from the futile attempts of people trying to hastily put your pieces back together.
"richie? did you hear what i said?"
i quickly zoned back into the real world, facing my mother like a deer caught in headlights.
"what?"
i asked obliviously, not having heard a single word she'd been saying. she sighed, accompanied with a sad smile. it turned my skin as cold as the unbuttered toast abandoned on the plate set infront of me.
"i said that eddie's being released today. i got a call from his mom earlier, apparently he's been kept in due to the...circumstances of his condition."
i winced at the way she desperately tried to find a way to sensitively choose her words. the truth was, there was no way to sugar coat the situation; and everyone knew it.
eddie had tried to kill himself.
edward kaspbrak; my best friend of ten years. the boy who would hyperventilate at the mere mention of illness and focused his attention solely on those around him,
had nearly died by his own hands.
and it was all my fault.
i swallowed down a bite of dry toast, liking the way it scratched mercilessly at the back of my throat and set a fire in my chest.
"that's good."
she nodded, seeming to be in thought.
"i was thinking, maybe you would want to go and see him?"
the room went silent, and i bit my tongue hard enough to taste blood to prevent myself from changing that. i shrugged.
"well i just thought-"
"yeah? well you thought wrong."
i pushed my plate away from me and the chair screeched awfully against the tiled kitchen floor. without another word i left the table and began storming upstairs with feet as heavy as my heart, ignoring my mother's protests.
"richie! richie wait!"
i slammed the bathroom door shut behind me and locked myself in, angry tears marching down my bruised cheeks in a disorderly fashion.
"fuck!"
i screamed loudly, not caring if my mom were to hear. i hit the sink with the sides of my fists, relishing in the pain that followed soon after.
"fuck! fuck! fuck! fuck you! fuck!"
i pulled my hair harshly, looking at myself in the small dirtied mirror before me. i grimaced in disgust.
my lips were chapped and broken, split in several places and covered in scabs. my eyes were sunken, clouds of dismal blue withering beneath them. my skin was too pale and my hair was overgrown and unruly, unkept over the past two weeks. i looked filthy, rotten.
i looked dead, and part of me wished i was.
"fuck you eddie!"
i cried, holding eye contact with myself in the mirror as if my reflection were able to hear me somehow. as if any moment now, it would reach out from behind the glass and comfort me in a way no one else but eddie could.
"fuck you!"
i sobbed, clawing ruthlessly at my face until streaks of red were etched upon my once unblemished skin. i ragged at the hair on the back of my head, feeling it strain under my grip.
"richie? richie honey open the door please."
my head shot towards the door, my eyes fixed on the jiggling handle. my heart began to beat faster, and for the first time in a while, i almost felt real.
"richie, let me in."
i shook my head and chuckled bitterly, wiping at my nose with the back of my hand. i leaned against the window frame of my bathroom, playing with the rusted metal latch.
"you know, i don't think i will."
i spoke, my voice thick with trembling sorrow. i heard my mom sigh from the other side of the door, trying desperately to twist the handle.
"look, i know you're upset about things and i know you're angry but i need you to open the door and let me in."
i unhooked the latch, pushing open the window and leaning out of it slightly. it was unpleasantly cold outside to say it was almost summer break, but somehow it felt appropriate.
"goddamn it richie! open the door!"
i gulped as i observed the drop before me, calculating that it was approximately 15 feet. i took a deep breath in, lifting my legs over the edge of the window sill as i grasped onto the panes with white knuckles.
"if you don't open the door in five seconds then i'm getting the key to open it myself!"
i blinked once, the wind stinging my eyes as i kept them trained on the grass far below.
"5!"
i inhaled deeply, shuffling forwards ever so slightly as my hold loosened and my muscles relaxed.
"4!"
my heart started beating faster, so fast i could feel it in my fingers. my head pounded and the wind seemed to be screaming in my ears, sending spiders down my spine as it edged me on.
"3!"
i moved closer to the edge, barely sat on the window sill at all. shivers were sent through me as a gust of wind almost knocked me off my rear altogether. i breathed, in out, in out.
"2!"
i closed my eyes.
"1!"
i jumped.
-
sorry it took so long to update i was kinda busy n stuff
happy new year to everyone!!
also i know this chapter is short i'll update within the next few days so don't sweat bout it
