Shadowhunters Imagines & Preferences

Alec ~ Comfort

You pace anxiously across Alec's room from the wall to the door, waiting for him to finish training, worrying about him incessantly.

Wall.

Ever since Magnus' party when he'd almost killed himself out of guilt because of a stupid warlock spell commissioned by none other than Valentine, he'd been distant.

Door.

You hadn't been dating that long at that point, only about three months, but it had been almost two months since that party and still he was distant.

Wall.

You tried everything to get through to him - surprise dates, talking late at night, staying over, icing him out (which didn't last long and hurt you too much to do), getting Clary, Jace, Izzy and even Simon to try and rouse him from his gloom.

Door.

Nothing worked.

Bed.

You move groggily over to the bed, sitting at the edge of it, sighing before checking the time - 11:55pm - way past the time you would usually sleep.

You lay back down on the bed, your tired eyes slipping closed as fatigue takes over. You shoot your head up from the pillow, shaking it a little to wake yourself up before laying back down.

It doesn't work.

Within minutes your eyelids slide over your eyes and the world goes black.

*ALEC POV*

I open my door heavily, my feet thudding along the floor as I open the door to my bedroom and stop suddenly when I notice a figure on the bed.

(y/h/l) (y/h/c) hair and a soft, heart shaped face.

Y/N.

I sigh heavily, placing my gym bag down silently so as not to wake her.

Her hair falls off her shoulder, a small strand of it over one of her eyes, as if it had flopped over after she writhed from one direction to the other. Restless. Her features are relaxed and she seems peaceful, but for the small crease in between her eyebrows where a soft frown shadows her eyes. Her eyes are closed and dark, almost black shadows underline her eye sockets, a mark noting severe lack of sleep.

Sleep she's lacking because of me.

I go through the motions of getting ready for bed in a robot-like state, a state I'd been in for a while lately.

Ever since the incident at Magnus' last party, I'd been trying to push Y/N away, scared of what I could do to her, scared of the look on her face when she found me on the roof and later when I'd stepped off of it.

"Y/N" I whisper

"Mmm" she stirs softly in her sleep before her eyes open wide, "Alec!"

She sits up ramrod straight in the bed, both startled and relieved, "You're home."

"I am"

"Well..." Y/N sighs, a flash of hurt passing her face as she stands from the bed, "I guess I'll be going then"

"No?" I say, both shouting it and making it sound like a question - a word I hadn't planned to say but did so anyway

"No?" she echoes, confused by the two-toned word

"No" I repeat, firmly, "No, I don't want you to go"

"Ok, Alec, but..." she sighs, sitting back down on the bed, "You're going to need to give me some answers"

"Why do you think I woke you up?" I ask her

"Well, go, then!" she demands, both frustrated and tired - I don't blame her, "Give me an answer as to why you think shutting me out is a good response to a relationship"

"When I fell...when I jumped off that roof, it reminded me of everything I'd done" I admit, "Everything I'd done to Clary when she first came here, everything I'd done to stop her from being with Jace, from finding her mother...and then taking it all away from her almost as soon as she'd gotten it back"

"That's not your fault" she deadpans - she says this all the time, it's become a mantra, a continuous, blatant lie, "But we got through that Alec, we were almost through it and nothing changed between us. God, I was the one that found you after-"

She stops when she sees my face and redirects, "That's not an explanation. It's a retell. Tell me why you've shut me out. Of all people."

"I was scared" I whisper in answer and my voice sounds so small, so broken, that all of her anger melts away from her face, replaced by concern and pity...

God, I hate pity.

"Scared? Scared of what?" she asks me

"Scared of what I could do to you" I recite my thoughts from earlier, the pain seeping through my voice, the first emotion I've displayed in months, "Scared of the look on your face when you found me after I killed Clary's mother, the look when you found me on the roof and then the look when I fell-jumped off that roof"

Y/N frowns lightly, realisation and sadness flowing through her face

"You looked so scared, so terrified of what I was doing. Each and every time" I explain to her, "And I saw how fucking scared and haunted you looked when I jumped off the roof. You looked so heartbroken, my own heart broke just seeing it"

"Alec" she whispers, taking my face in her hands, "Of course I was scared. As far as I knew, you were going to die, right there in front of me"

"And that's the problem" I groan, pulling her hands from my face to hold them in mine, "I realised then that I never wanted to see that look on your face again, that I had to...leave you to stop that look from ever crossing your face again"

"But...that doesn't make any sense, that was the spell pushing you to that point, not you"

"Not the point" I exhale, "One day, I will die - and it will probably be in battle, on a mission. I didn't want to risk the chance of you being on that mission"

"But...that doesn't explain why you just collapsed in on yourself. You were like a zombie...I'm still not completely sure you aren't still like that"

"It was losing you. I'd already ended it in my mind and I retreated, it killed me to do it and it still does. I shut down because...I love you Y/N"

She gasps lightly, her eyes widening and her mouth closing - for once, not having anything to say, anything to add, anything to correct.

"I love you more than anything and everything in my entire life" I assure her, looking straight into her eyes, "I'd die for you."

"Oh, Alec" she breathes, smiling, "I love you, too"

I smile and wrap my arms around her, smiling to myself and leaning my head on her hair.

And, just like that, everything was forgotten.

***

THIS WAS SO SHIT!!!!!!! I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!

BUT I wanted to give you guys something at least so here, have this.

I promise, something better is coming and sorry for being away so long!!

Btw would you guys read a full on Alec story? Like with charachters I created and stuff? I was thinking of doing a Clary's older-sister x Alec thing? But I don't want to do it if no one will read it. Let me know

BTW:

(y/h/l) = your hair length

(y/h/c) = your hair colour