Olivia's Story

Chapter 13

This is the first day of summer break.

I got the house to myself starting at about 2 pm, it's about 11 am now.

My momma's going on vacation for a week with a few friends. I might just have Cali over or go to my dad's house or just chill by myself. Most likely just have Cali over.

I'm just laying in bed. I had a really bad dream last night. It seems like they're just getting worse and worse.

I started cutting again. Every night I jump up from a nightmare I cut.

It's the only way I know how to cope with things. Therapy really isn't working for me and I don't write anymore.

I don't want to write about me cutting in my diary and my momma find it and find out like she found out that Marcus was raping me.

My bedroom door opened. It's Cali with a bag. What is she doing here? Oh well.

She started talking about Travis, who is now her boyfriend, as she closed the door, put her stuff down and took her shoes off. "So now I guess he's mad at me.", she said getting in my bed. "Oh well."

"Oh.", I said dryly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin'."

"You can talk to me Liv.", she said.

"I'm fine, really.", I said. She just looked at me. She laid on me and wrapped her arm around me.

"I know you're not."

"I'm just dealing with some stuff Cali."

"Like What? Talk to me.", she said sitting up looking at me.

"I can't tell you.", I said.

"I had 2 abortions." That was random as fuck. I just looked at her. "Don't judge me, I wouldn't judge you."

"I'm not judging you Cali that was just random as fuck."

"I told you something personal now you can tell me what's bothering you.", she said. Why not? It wouldn't hurt to get things off of my chest. I huffed and sat up.

"When I was younger my aunt's boyfriend did things to me, my momma's ex husband used to rape me, and when you guys couldn't find me I woke up with a man on top of me. I have PTSD too. I'm starting to cut again to cope with things. I'm just dealing with a lot.", I said lowly. She hugged me tightly.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go though all of that." I laid on her shoulder and cried, I don't know why. She rubbed my back. "It's gonna be okay."

"I keep tryin' to tell myself that but I know it never will be okay."

"Yes it will you can't think like that. It's gonna get better. You have to stop cutting too, it's not solving anything.", she said.

"I don't know what else to do Cali.", I said.

"You can write or color or draw or anything, but you can't hurt yourself." I didn't say anything I just laid there on her shoulder.

...

Me and Trever are going on a double date with Travis and Cali. I really don't wanna go but I guess I'll go for Cali.

Me and Cali are getting ready now. We're basically done, we just have to put on our shoes.

We just put on our shoes now we're on our way to the skating rink.

...

Me and Trever aren't skating but Cali and Travis are. Me and Trever are sitting at a table. He's looking at me and eating, I'm looking down. "Do you want something to eat or drink?", he asked.

"No I'm okay.", I said softly.

"You don't seem okay." I looked at him. I'm not.

"I am." I forced a smile on my face.

"You can't fool me with that fake ass smile.", he said. My smile dropped.

"I will be okay.", I said.

"But you're not now?" I shook my head.

"No."

"Are you still cutting?", he asked. I just looked at him. "You're too beautiful to be doing that to yourself."

"I'm not beautiful and if you were in my shoes you would be doing that same thing.", I said. I don't think I'm beautiful or pretty or cute or anything anymore. I don't know why, I guess I just don't.

"Yes you are Olivia and that's not the right way to deal with things. I don't know what you got going on but I do know that it's not worth leaving those marks on your wrist." I just looked at him then I looked down. He tried changing the subject but I didn't feel like talking, I got too much on my mind. "Lets skate."

"Oh no, I can't skate."

"I'll hold your hand.", he said.

"I don't wanna fall or make you fall.", I said.

"I'll catch you.", he said smiling. I don't know why but I smiled. "There go that beautiful smile. Come on."

...

I had so much fun skating. I don't think I ever had that much fun in my life.

Skating is pretty easy, well to me it is. I almost fell a few time before I caught on to it but he caught me like he said he would.

We're at Cali's house now watching a movie in the living room. Her parents aren't here.

They just went upstairs now it's just me and Trever on the couch. I'm kind of nervous because I don't know him that well. We've known each other for a while now but I still don't know if I can trust him.

...

We started playing around then one thing led to another now he's on top of me and we're kissing. The thought of when Marcus first raped me popped in my head and I pushed him off of me and sat up. "Did I so something wrong?", he asked.

"I-I'm sorry.", I said while looking down.

"Don't be, it's okay to change your mind. If I made you feel uncomfortable or made you feel like I was forcing you I'm sorry."

"No, it's not you. I just, I need some air." I got up and quickly walked outside.

The thought of him on top of me again scares me. His body hovering over mine and him forcing my legs to stay open and, it's just too much.

...

While tears rolled down my cheeks somebody came outside. I didn't turn to see who. "You alright?", I heard Trever ask. Instead of replying I turned and hugged him tightly. He hugged me back. Being in his arms feels so good.

...

After me and Cali took showers we did everything that we needed to do then got in my bed. We slowly drifted off to sleep.