Not One Of The Guys Anymore

5-Miserable

Jazz's pov-

It's been over two weeks, almost three, since Brian and I had that fight at the waffle house and we haven't talked since. Neither of us could swallow our pride and apologize. I know we're both stubborn as fuck so I don't see how this is going to work. He hates admitting he's wrong and I feel as though that I'm not wrong. I only told him how I felt and gave an opinion. For years he has always encouraged me to do that and always loved when I did it and now he decides to hate me for it? I never imagined that our friendship could get ruined. And the worst part? It's over a stupid girl that treats him like shit.

 It sucks that the only friends I have, are Brian's friends too. We're all a tight circle of friends so it's not like I really have anyone to talk to about this. I could talk to Jimmy, but I'm sure Brian's already doing that and I'd hate to make him choose between his two best friends. I could talk to the other guys about it but it wouldn't feel right. The main person I talk to when there's a problem, is Brian. And in this case Brian is the problem.

 I feel like because of this fight between Brian and I, something worse is going to happen to the Avenged family. We're usually never the ones to go picking sides but I have a feeling that if me and Brian don't make up soon, I'm going to lose them. Of course they would pick Brian over me. He's in the band. And they have all known him longer than they have known me.

 I'v tried to keep my mind off of Brian but it's impossible. I'v been trying to keep busy at work but they play his music at the shop almost everyday. This one girl wanted a tatoo to symbolize her bestfriend that she lost, reminding me of my situation with Brian. Another guy came in to get a tattoo for his big brother, reminding me of Brian. There was a couple more like those ones but I think you get the point now.

 I actually cried a couple days ago, I know call me pathetic or whatever but it truely does suck fighting with your best friend and feeling like you're going to lose the rest of your friends too.

Brian's pov-

I haven't spoken to Jazz in a while. I'm sure she's still pissed about our fight, and no one wants to be around Jazz when she's pissed. Especially me. She knows exactly what to say to get you to understand and sometimes those things hurt but because she's pissed, I don't think she really gives a fuck. As long as she gets through to you. And that's why I hate having arguments with her. We haven't had a lot but there has been some and she really knows how to get to me. But this fight was worse than other ones. I can't even remember what they were about. But if she was pissed before, I don't want to know how she is now.

 I don't know if she wants to rip my head off or if she actually misses me like I miss her. Probably both knowing her. And I know I don't show it very well but I do miss her. I probably won't admit it to anyone else but she might actually be right. I have, in a way, been using her. Not like I did it on purpose but I guess that doesn't exactly make it better.

 This just goes to show how much I don't deserve her as a bestfriend. Like I've said many times before she's always tooken care of us and never lets us down. And we rarely show our appreciation, or atleast as much as we should. But I just fucked up. I really don't deserve her which is one of the reasons why I can't bring myself to apologize to her.

 I've been being selfish this whole time, and now I'm trying my hardest not to. Because if I don't apologize, we can't be friends. If we can't be friends, I can't hurt her or make her feel used anymore. Now I can only hope that she doesn't try to apologize to me cause if she does than I have to push her away again, and that's only going to break her even more. And I absolutely hate to be the one to do that.

 I'v always been the one that was ready to whoop someone's ass for hurting her, or breaking her heart. But here I was doing the same and she doesn't need that.

 On a brighter side though, things seem to be somewhat better with my marriage. And there's a reason behind why I say somewhat. Lauren has been happier than usual and I have a funny feeling it's because she knows I'm not talking about Jazz. I, on the other hand have been miserable. Of course I'm happy to be with my wife, that's why I married her. I like seeing her happy but I miss my bestfriend. I miss her jokes and teasing. I miss her advice. I miss her encouragment. I miss her opinions on our music. I miss the meaningless playful arguments. I miss the first girl I've ever cared about. And no I don't mean love...Well I did like her at some point but I wasn't in love with her. She was my first female friend. All the other girls were just girls that I could hang out with at school sometimes and try to get in their pants. But Jazz was the first girl that has ever meant something to me, other than the girls in my family.

 I hate that my wife can't even try to like Jazz. I hate that she's happy while I'm not because my bestfriend isn't in the picture anymore. I hate that I pissed Jazz off. And I hate knowing that Jazz probably hates me.

 For the past couple of weeks, me and the guys have been in the studio, so that's kept me distracted a little bit. Usually Jazz comes around to check on us, see how we're doing, get sneak peeks at the album but she hasn't been around since our argument and the guys are starting to get curious. No, I haven't told them about the fight. I don't really know how I'm supposed to. They're probably going to want to kill me...Hell I think I want to kill me.

Sorry this one's short, kind of a filler, but the next one will be better :3