Not One Of The Guys Anymore

9-Bestfriends And New Friends

Jazz's pov-

It's been two months since the accident. I'm all better now...well physicaly. Not so much emotionaly. I haven't been hangiing around the guys as much. Jimmy comes over to see me almost everyday. Johnny comes over a lot too but not as much. Matt and Zacky stop by whenever. And Brian tries but it doesn't work very well. For the two and a half weeks that I had to stay home and rest up he came over everyday and tried talking to me but I always pushed him away. I tried taking the key to my house that I gave him when I first moved in but he won't give it up. So I guess I should just change the locks. But part of me wants him around, wants him to keep trying. And he is. He is still trying and he comes around often to check up on me but I'm always being a stubborn bitch. But really, what am I supposed to do? After that huge fight I almost die and that's what it takes to get him to realize he was being a dick. What if I didn't get in that car accient, would he still be ignoring me? And the worst part is that now I know I'm in love with him. Which makes it even harder to push him away. He's my-WAS my bestfriend and he's married. I'm not supposed to be in love with him. And that's exactly why I still won't forgive him after two months. It's wrong for me to love him. If I didn't then I probably would have forgiven him after a month of him begging for my forgiveness. He took care of me as much as I would allow. He's bought me a tone of stuff to show that he was sorry. And he's said it multiple times. Every time he sees me he says he's sorry and that he wants his bestfriend back. But not having me back, will actually make things easier for him. He won't have Lauren bitching at him, and he won't have me falling harder for him. I miss him so fucking much but I'm trying to do what's best for the both of us.

Even though I'm trying to avoid fixing things with Brian, I'm trying to keep things peacful. Espicially for Johnny and Lacey. They're getting married in a month, which means I have to be on my best behavior with Brian. And they even choose me to walk down the isle with Brian for the ceremony. Go figure. I feel bad for everyone else who is also trying to help fix things between Brian and I while I'm being stubborn. I wish I could just tell them why things can't get better but how am I supposed to just tell them I'm in love with him.

"Jazzyyyy! I'm home!"Jimmy's voice boomed through out the house.

"In the art room!"I shouted to him. Seconds later he appeared in the door way.

"Looking good, looking good."he commented looking over my shoulder at the painting I was working on.

"Thanks."I sighed putting the brush down and turning to face him. "So what's up?"

"Nothin much buttercup. How's your ribs?"he asked.

"Fine, just like they have been for the past month."

"Just making sure sheshh. So how did the whole dress fitting thingy go?"

"Good, everybody's dresses look fine. And we picked out shoes and everything."

"Good, good..."

"Jimmy what do you want?"I asked knowing he had something to say.

"Nothing. What makes you think-"

"Just spit it out already."

"You know I hate how Brian treated you but come on. When are you going to forgive him?"

"Why?"

"Because he's so depressed! I've never seen him like this."

"Yea well he brought that on himself."

"How long are you going to make him beg for you? Gosh, you two are worse than an actually couple!"

"Well as soon as he just gives up then we won't have to be anything."