What Others Don't Know- Phanfic

CHAPTER SIX

^ma bean❤️^
Dan's POV:

I woke up from my usual nightmare once again. My head was pounding, throbbing. Thankfully somebody had closed my curtains for me, blocking out the bright morning sun. I wonder who it was. I couldn't really remember much. I had gotten a drink and went into the back garden. Oh fuck!! What if mum or dad found me drunk? No. Hopefully I just walked up to my room by myself. I picked up my phone from my nightstand. In my groggy state I wasn't thinking about my phone brightness and, of course, I was momentarily blinded because of my stupidity. Damnit! Now my head is pounding even more, great. I turned down the brightness and looked at what time it was. Shit!! School starts in 20 minutes and it's a 15 minute walk!

I sprung out of bed and ran to the bathroom straightening my brown curls. During this I was completely avoiding my eyes in the mirror because I didn't have time for that. Not right now. I didn't care if I was late personally, but my parents sure as hell did and I didn't need another reason to be yelled at.

I ran back to my room, closing the door behind me, and ran to my wardrobe. I took out a black pair of jeans and a loose fitting long-sleeved shirt that had thin black and white stripes on it. I glanced at the mirror just to make sure my hair was straight. I didn't dare look at anything else besides the top of my head. I grabbed a pair of sunglasses, my backpack, phone, and headphones, and ran downstairs. I put on my cheap off brand black converse and grabbed a water bottle, heading out the door. I shoved the sunglasses on and started walking as fast as I could, without looking like an idiot, so I wouldn't be late... or feel humiliated for looking like a crazy person sprinting down the pavement.

I turned on my phone and put on me Muse playlist. I like this song. I thought when the song Psycho came on. I began drum my fingers on my leg aggressively to calm my anxiety. I thought about a book I'd read where the main character had anxiety. To cope with it they crumpled paper all the time. I tried it once one night a few weeks ago. It actually worked, surprisingly. It was very calming. I wish I could do it all the time but 1. it's a waste of paper 2 it would be noisy and bother the people around me.

I reached the school and basically ran inside because of how fast I was walking. It was at these moments I was thankful for my long legged tallness rather than self conscious. 7:38. My locker was on the third floor. I sprinted up the steps and dashed to my locker, my shaky hands having trouble putting in the combination. I tossed my backpack into it, yanking out my books and folders necessary for the first half of my day. I slammed my locker shut and ran to science, taking my seat in the back just as the bell rang at 7:40. Now that the panic and slowed, the thoughts had started to come in.
You look like an idiot wearing sunglasses indoors. It's sad that you have to drink your feelings away, wimp.

    But I have depression! And anxiety! And I think an eating disorder...I retorted back to the bad thoughts.

Yeah, it's sad. It's sad how sad you are. You should be happy. Your life isn't that bad. You've got a good house and your parents make a good amount of money.

    It's a chemical imbalance! I can't help it!

Yes you can. You could tell your parents. Or anybody. Or stop drinking. You can help yourself but you choose not too.

20 or so minutes passed with this. 23 minutes still left until first period ends. I couldn't. I needed a break. My foot was tapping like crazy. I was trembling. This is honestly normal for me though. I raised my hand and asked if I could be excused. Mr. Joan replied "Yes. You can go. But try and hurry back. I'm about to explain an important part of our assignment for tonight."