OUT - What happened to us? (Camren)

Chapter 2

Being on stage without Camila was never something easy to Lauren and that hadn't changed much after months sticking around the girls and rehearsaling with them. There were many things she could only do with her ex band mate. They had their internal jokes and their synchrony on stage was something unique, a reflex of the many things they shared with each other. They had a special connection, on and out of stage.

The first minutes of performance were extremely hard for the girl with green eyes. She couldn't stop feeling like something was missing. Someone was missing. She would often move around the stage like if there were five performers and she had to keep reminding herself that it was a different number from then on.

Every verse originally sang by Camila added an extra pain to Lauren's chest during the concert. Listening to  someone else singing those words didn't feel right. It wasn't that the girls couldn't sing, it was just that the memories those songs brought to Lauren's mind were too strong. She had a special pleasure at listening to Camila singing, sometimes during their performances she would even close her eyes to listen to that flawless voice the small girl had. Jauregui felt like a lump was growing on her throat every time she was the one to cover the girl that had left. But she was able to control her emotions enough not to fall apart on stage, something that had already happened before when she first heard Camila mention the possibility of leaving the group. 

Lauren and Camila had multiple ups and downs during the time they worked together. Sometimes they would scream at each other and say things like "I won't ever talk to you again", but working together it was an impossible thing to be done, sooner or later they'd talk again and make up. Things changed when Camila said she wouldn't be able to keep doing that for too long and mentioned she'd leave the band. For Lauren, the stage without Camila was a sad place and when she sang the heaviest emotional song she couldn't stop the tears. She felt like she could lose someone important and she didn't know what to do. She was still feeling confused and alone after months without Camila, but she no longer cried on stage. 

After performing half of the songs they'd put on that night, Lauren really tried to connect with the audience. Those people were filled up with a great energy and everything she wanted at that moment was to feel that, like she used to. However, things weren't like they used to be and she was no longer the person she used to be. She couldn't really connect with her fans because a part of herself was missing. She sang every song giving her best, she could follow the rhythm but she couldn't feel the songs, it was almost like if had lost her voice.

The last songs carried a special sadness. Camila always had something sweet to say at the end of the concerts and even the way she simply said "Thank you" had an incredible effect on Lauren and on the crowd, that always screamed loud at the little girl's words. A part of Jauregui's soul looked for Camila's hand to hold as they thanked the fans for being there with a common body gesture.

After leaving the stage, Dinah and Normani provided each other a warm hug, Ally held one of the musicians with whom she had a meaningful friendship and Lauren simply stared at every person who celebrated at that moment. There was a very beautiful girl she used to hold after their performances, but she was nowhere near. Dinah saw some sadness on her friend's eyes after a few minutes.

- What's wrong? - She asked getting closer.

- Nothing. - She wasn't really the type of person to easily open up.

- Come on, Lauren... - She pushed.

- It's fine, really. - She forced a smile. - I'm just tired.

- Are you sure it has nothing to do with C...

- It has nothing to do with... Anything - She spoke before her friend could finish her entire sentence. - It was a long day, I'm tired. - After the emotional moment she had before the concert, Lauren was feeling extremely exposed for confessing a feeling and that shame made her decide to hide better her emotions and lie whenever it was necessary.