Fame Crazy (Sequel to Strings Attached)

Chapter 154

Castiel doesn't end up getting flowers that day, purely because he doesn't want to bring the extra attention to himself as he goes to his father's grave. Dean offers to come with him, but Castiel tells him it's not necessary. He would feel more comfortable there alone, anyway.

He has to do a little searching when he gets to the cemetery, not quite sure where his father was "buried." In reality, it's just a hunk of cement over an empty coffin. They never recovered the body, which is kind of sad. He deserves to be buried next to his wife, and it's disappointing to know that that won't happen.

Castiel is mildly surprised to see that there are already flowers by the headstone when he finally finds it. He can only assume it was Michael who came by, probably before work. He would definitely be the one to remember. Chuck's death hit him the hardest, and there probably isn't a day that goes by without him thinking about it.

Castiel felt like he had to come today, but now that he has, he's not quite sure what to do. He crouches down next to the headstone and runs his hand along the engraving of his father's name, and he feels tears welling up behind his eyes as he thinks about all the time they've spent together.

His mind flashes back to after his first awards show. Castiel was still young, only sixteen, and he still didn't have a driver's license. Chuck would usually drive him everywhere, but with awards shows, he has to take a limousine and walk the red carpet.

It was his first time ever doing that, and he was pretty nervous, not just because he had to be an independent human being for what was essentially the first time in his life, but also because he had heard bad things about awards shows. He had heard people will take any moment to attack you for, and you never really know when the camera is in you, so you have to try to be perfect at all moments.

He had been stressing out about how much excitement he was supposed to show for the winners in other categories, and how to react if he didn't win the only award he was nominated for. Was he supposed to act the same if he lost as he would for people winning awards he wasn't in the running for?

Chuck had realized how stressed he was and sat his son down for a chat. He seemed very confident Castiel would win — and rightfully so, he soon realized — but still made sure Castiel knew that winning didn't matter. He was nominated for a Grammy, for god's sake. How many people can say that?

He also assured Castiel that people would not be dissecting his every move. It was his first time at the Grammys, and his song had only been out for a few months. He hadn't been in the public eye for very long, and he hadn't done anything to upset anyone. According to Chuck, he was a model celebrity, and he had nothing to fear.

Chuck's pep talk was probably the only thing that got him through the show. He just kept thinking back to Chuck's point that he was at the Grammys. If nothing else, he was nominated for a freaking Grammy award. Even if his celebrity life ended there, he could always say that he was there for the 2018 Grammy Awards. It's a lot easier to view the glass as half full when someone shows you how.

Of course, Chuck had to endure Castiel's excited rants about how he actually won a real Grammy award, and that lasted for at least three weeks. Chuck didn't seem to mind, though. He was just as excited about it as Castiel was himself.

There came a time when Chuck would just assume Castiel would win most if not all the awards he was nominated for. Eventually, a bet was started within the family of what he would win, and Chuck was always the optimist. While Castiel could be nominated for fourteen awards and bet he would win one or two, Chuck would say that if he won less than twelve, he was being robbed of what he deserved. Castiel had never met anyone else who had that much faith in him, and it was truly a wonderful thing to have in his life.

Part of Castiel wants to talk, to chat with his father even though he knows he won't hear a response. It might sound strange, but it's not unheard of, and he really does want to fill his dad in on everything he's missed this last year. So much has happened, and he just wants someone to talk to. Chuck was always the best at just listening to him, not judging or telling him he's overreacting, because he seemed to be the only one to understand that even if he was overreacting, it was still that much of a problem to him.

Even if Chuck can't provide any answers, talking to him would be such a stress reliever. Unfortunately, Castiel knows that isn't an option. He can't say anything without someone overhearing him. Even now, surrounded by the dead, there's surely one living person somewhere whom he can't speak in the presence of. Not only is talking to no one kind of weird, but there's very little that he wants to say to Chuck that he would want the world to know, and he doesn't want to risk it.

With a sigh, Castiel stands up and walks away. That's the end of his visit, and probably the last trip he'll make to his parents' graves for another year. It's just too painful to be here. It's much more bearable when he's home in New York in the house his father only went to a few times. It's the closest thing to escaping the memories that he can find.

~~

Castiel wants to post something to honor his father today, but it's easier said than done. There isn't really much he can post. Nothing anyone outside his family would want to see, at least. He scrolls through his camera roll, looking for something not depressing. Unfortunately, his camera roll is full of useless junk, so it's not easy.

Finally, he settles on a video of his father singing to post on Instagram, and then link to Twitter. He heads over to his "fan account" and prepares to post it, only to realize he has no caption. He's not sure what to call today — "the anniversary of Michael telling my family my dad was murdered" is not necessarily his best choice.

He decides to post it without a caption calling today a special day. Instead, he types, "Throwback to when I realized my dad was more talented than I could ever dream of being."

He stops himself before he posts this. He doesn't want this on his fan account. He wants it on his main account. He wants to show as many people as possible how amazing Chuck was. Even if they don't understand why this is happening today, they should get to hear that. His father was incredible. He deserves to have this shared with as many people as possible.

He switches to his more popular account and shares the video with the same caption. He hopes someone somewhere will watch it and realize that Chuck was such an amazing person. He deserved more love and attention than he got — his fans never loved his parents as much as they do his brothers.

The video is impossible not to love, really. It was the first time Castiel had heard him play guitar. Until then, Chuck had never even mentioned he knew how, or that there was a guitar in his office. Castiel had practically begged him to show the Novaks how good he was, and they were not disappointed. His cover of "Fare Thee Well" was amazing. Castiel just wishes he could have brought him into the studio and gotten a better recording of it, because it was truly incredible. At least he has a video, though. It's just something else to remember him by.