A Pleasant Surprise - Niall Horan fanfic

Chapter 47

Sophie's P.O.V 

Neither of us said a word. I couldn't even look at him, I was so ashamed of myself for being so stupid. I glanced over at his hands. He clenched his hands around the steering wheel, his knuckles turned white as he sighed in frustration and stopped at a red light. The doctors kept me at the hospital over the night, they thought I was trying to commit suicide. I tried to tell them it was an accident but they wouldn't listen. I would never do that to Niall, they didn't believe a word I said. They asked me what I'd taken but I honestly don't know, all I answered was 'Something for the pain' and that was the truth because I didn't know what I'd taken. I still don't. Niall had stayed with me the whole time at the hospital, he refused to leave my side but he didn't talk to me. He didn't even look at me once. Three words kept repeating themselves in my head. The words he'd said when he saw me, saw what I did to myself. They burned into my brain and everytime I thought of them a piece of me died. You disgust me. Three words filled with hate. You disgust me. Three words filled with pain. You disgust me. Three words filled with regret. I'd almost died yesterday. If it wasn't for Niall, I would've bled to death. Once again he's saved my life. Well, he does every day but this time I tricked death. According to the doctors it was just a few minutes away from disaster. I looked at the wounds on my arms. The bruises were also there to remind me of my stupidity. To my surprise Niall pulled up to my apartment. It's been so long since we've been here. I didn't want to come here anymore, I couldn't stay here. We were selling it since I was going to move in with Niall. Or maybe I wasn't? To be honest, I don't even know what I'm going to do next. I can't go back to school. No way. Not after everything that has happened this summer. Never. But I can't just sit at home and do nothing. Right now I'm not sure about anything. Not my apartment, school, my job, my friends, my family, my future...not even about Niall. I think he's going to leave me. I know I would leave me if I was him. I'm way too much trubbel to deal with. For the past month I've been in and out of the hospital every other day and it's all my fault. He doesn't need this. I've caused him so much pain and he hasn't complained once. Not a single time. I flinched when Niall opened the car door. Without looking at me he carefully picked me up in his strong arms and closed the door before carrying me up the stairs. Even though he was as gentle as possible I still could feel every single wound. The pain was indescribable, I had to bite my lower lip to stop myself from screaming. My entire body was aching and I have no one but myself to blame, I've done this to myself. To him. To us. Before we left the hospital Niall told all our friends to go home, that I needed some time on my own. I was starting to understand why he'd told them to go. It would be easier for him to leave me. He put me down in the couch as he collapsed into the other couch. It was obvious that he'd been crying and the bags underneath his eyes show that he hasn't gotten any sleep. He was exhausted. My poor Niall. I wanted to reach over and hold his hand, touch his cheeks, feel his soft lips against my skin, his warm hands on my body. But I was scared. Scared of being rejected. I carefully looked up at him. His jaw tightened and he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tilted his head backwards. Suddenly his phone rang. 

"Hello." He said with his eyes still closed. "Yes. Yes. No. I don't know. Her flat. Soon. No. We're heading to my flat now." He hung up. Even though his voice was so cold and emotionless, it still sounded like angels singing to me. My heart raced as he spoke and goosebumps spread all over my skin. I wanted him keep talking, to go on forever and never ever stop. I never got tired of hearing his voice, no one would. I realised how much I missed seeing his beautiful smile and hearing his adorable laugh. I only have 6 days left with him. If even that. Right there I promised myself to stay away from painkillers. His love is all the medication I need, it'll heal me better than anything. If it still exists, so to speak. We sat there in silence for about 20 minutes before he stood up and disappeared into the bedroom. After 15 minutes he returned and we headed towards his apartment.