The Sweetest Devotion (The Affair Series Book 2)

Therapy Part 1

PRESENT TIME

"So what is on your mind Stef?"

"What isn't."the blonde laughed awkwardly as she stood beside the window looking out. Lighting what seemed to be her fourth cigarette in the last two hours life was truly giving her the shit and making her feel as if she was drowning in her own shit. Whatever it was she felt as if when life was going well that she didn't know how to sustain it or accept it. In her mind it never felt permanent for nothing in her life had been.  Never would she pity herself but she had messed up a bit in the last two months not as much as she use to in the past but she had gone a few steps backwards.

After the blood test revealed that neither Callie or Jude were Roberts biological children it had become a full fledge war. It was something Stef had been so sure of that he was their father and to find out he was wrong added to her list of fuck ups. Explaining that to both children had not gone over well especially with Callie for the girl refused to speak to her.  Even in their therapy sessions she would not make any eye contact with the blonde whatsoever. Jude of course was upset but as usual he was very forgiving when it came to his mother. Were they both curious as to who their father was of course for when she dug back in her brain Stef knew who they were. Robert was beside himself, upset and angry with no clue on how he should move forward with either child.

"Well start with one thing. I know alot has been going on for you. In terms of you, your mother, children. Do any of those sound manageable to start with Stef." Puffing on her cigarette and running her fingers through her layered hair if she was honest her mind was so fucked she didn't know if she was coming or going.

"I didn't want my babygirl to end up like me but she did."

"Ok how do you feel she is like you?"

"Her actions, her anger, the way she looks at me like she loathes me. That's how I use to look at my mother. The same fucking way."

"But you are not your mother. You are not Sharon."

"Yeah I'm not so sure of that."

"Stefanie from all you have told me about her and your childhood you are nowhere near like her. Sharon was cruel, hurtful, selfish and incapable of loving you. She kept you for selfish reasons when your aunt...

"Please don't mention my aunt. Please." She said immediately turning to look at Dr. Kim.

"Ok. We don't need to talk about her. But what makes you think you are like Sharon? What sticks out the most Stef?"

"Ha. My mother was the biggest tramp around. There wasn't anyone she didn't fuck. Even our fucking mailman and the head of social services so she could collect welfare. As much as she complained and said she hated black people there were a few times I saw a few of them leave our trailer. Fucking hypocrite." She said shaking her head and taking another puff.

"And this is how you see yourself?"

"I've slept around and hurt people. I've chosen relationships over my kids."

"How is that?"

"I use to leave them with my ex and fuck around on her."

"Did you love your children?"

"What the fuck kind of question is that?" She asked turning around once again and staring at the doctor rather harshly.

"I just want to know."

"Of course I loved them and love them. I love my babies more than fucking life itself what kind of dumb ass question is that?"

"Did you tell them?" Dr. Kim asked without bating an eyelash for she knew how Stef was for she had been treating her since she moved back to Sacramento and was recommended by Rita. Rita had given her a bit of background information before their first session and letting her know Stef was very stubborn and troubled. She had been troubled her entire life and was working had to overcome a handful of issues many of which she passed onto her daughter.