The Sweetest Devotion (The Affair Series Book 2)

What She Showed Me

STEF POV
8 years old

"Now you keep your mouth shut in this office if you know what's good for you, little girl." My mother said to me as we were taking a trip down to the welfare office, which I hated. I hated it because she would act really differently, and it confused me.

Confused me because she was always super nice to me there and to Mr. Reynolds who sometimes would come to our house and spend a lot of time in the room with her.

I didn't know what they did in their but she told me never to come in, and she locked the door too. In the morning, I'd see him leave while I'd get my cereal and watch TV. 

"Why do we need to go there again?"  I asked.

"Hush up now. I told you that since your daddy doesn't give us nothing, Mama needs to get us some more money. Do you want to eat? Do you want a home to live in? Let me tell you if they don't give us anything you are going to live on the street. Not me. You."

Swallowing hard, I watched her puff on her cigarette as she had  her dyed hair pinned up. Mama always dressed up when we went to the welfare place and wore shirts that showed her boobs.

"But don't you get money from your job, Mama?" Judging by the way she looked at me as we came to a red light, I knew I asked the wrong question.

"You keep your mouth shut in there! You say one word, any word, and you won't sit ever again on your behind because I'll beat it so bad. You got me! Huh!"

"Yes, Mama." I whispered, nodding my head as the car behind us honked, and my mother flipped up her middle finger at them.

"You fucking hold your horses there's no fire to rush to fucking asshole prick!" She yelled pushing so far down on the gas my head swung back hitting the back of the seat.

I could tell she was in another bad mood and I better keep my mouth shut as I stared out the window of our beatdown station wagon.

The Michigan snow was falling heavy and this place was the coldest and grayest ever.

I didn't like anything about it except for Aunt Fran and Debbie but sometimes mama wouldn't let me see Aunt Fran telling me she was too busy for me and didn't want to be bothered. 

I didn't believe her because mama lied alot. She always lied and I guess it's why she got stuff. I don't know. Trying to snuggle more into my torn coat I could feel the cold air come from under the car through the big hole in the floor.

Sometimes it made a grey puddle at the bottom of the car and my feet would get really wet and they would feel so cold in my ripped up shoes. 

"Now had you been born a boy we wouldn't be in this big old mess. But no, you just had to be a girl just had to be didn't you? Damm ass shame."

Ignoring her as she usually liked to complain about how I should have been a boy I drew hearts on the foggy window and the sun with my torn gloves.

Mama could go on forever about how I made her life so bad and that I was so useless and sometimes it made me cry. I didn't understand why she hated me so much.

Turning into the familiar parking lot that was always crowded and where we waited forever I watched her put more makeup and lipstick on and fix her boobs inside her bra.

"Now you hush up in there so Mama can work her magic. Gonna get me a new table once we out of here and some new shoes. 

Mitch loves heels and one thing about men you gotta keep them happy. That's right keep them happy and show them what they want. But you don't need to worry about that because no man will ever want you. Homely little girl, you are, that's it. You stay close to me in there and don't look at anyone. Understand?"

"Yes." 

Getting out the car and pushing the heavy door open, I climbed out quickly, following behind her as she grabbed my arm.

"Hurry on up, girl!"

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"See, Mr. Reynolds, I've been looking long and hard for a job. I have, and I just need a little more help until I get this new one. My baby needs clothes and shoes and see, well, she has been going to bed hungry. Plus, she's been having a few problems in school. You know they say she has some learning problems, and I may need to get her tutor."

"I see. Is that true, Stacey?" He asked, looking into my eyes, and I wasn't sure how to answer. I wasn't having any problems in school but most of the time I didn't go.

"Stefanie." I said as my mother flashed me a dirty look.

"Sorry, Stefanie. Are you having learning problems?" Looking at my mother, I hated lying as her eyes grew dark and harsh, and I knew I better answer how she wanted or I would feel it.

"Yes, sir."

"And are you going to bed hungry?"

"Yes, sir."

"We don't need much, but I need to get her a few things. I mean, you see what she has on that's all I can get her. Is there anything you can do to get us more benefits, especially with Christmas coming. You have always been so helpful." She pleaded as I saw her place her hand on top of his smiling wide at him.

"Well...I don't make the final decisions Miss Foster I..

"Oh, please call me Sharon, baby. Do you mind if I smoke?"

"Um, no, it's fine." He said, smiling at my mother as I saw his eyes look at her body. Why I didn't know, and I thought it was gross, and he was gross. All the men Mama had come over were gross and smelled. Or her man friends as she liked to call them.

Auntie Fran never had man friends and never locked me out of her room. I don't think she liked men like Mama because I had seen her kiss, Debbie.

"I just want to give her a good life, you know. Be a good mother to her. I mean, whatever you can do would be so helpful. I'm on my last can of food right now as it is, and I don't know what will give my sweet baby for dinner. You know she's such a good girl."

"But we have the TV dinners from the other day." I blurted out, and she gave me the scariest look ever. A look I was so afraid of  and I don't know what made me say it because she had warned me. She had warned me, and I knew I was going to get it. And bad.

"No baby, we ate up those dinners the other night. Remember? Don't mind her. She forgot since she hit her head on the snow the other day. Had to take her to the doctor, and that used up my money too." She lied even more, puffing once again on her cigarette. "You know the emergency room is not cheap, Mr. Reynolds."

"Yes, it's 70 I will see what I can do."

"Well, what can I do to make you think harder and speed this process up, sweetheart? Anything?" She said, rubbing his hand.

"Um...

"Stefanie, go take this quarter and wait outside. Mr. Reynolds and I need to talk about adult things. Go on now." She said rather nicely, handing me the quarter for the candy machine as I did as I was told closing the door behind me.

Waiting for what seemed liked forever, my mother came out smiling from ear to ear, and I was guessing my big mouth didn't get me in trouble.

But if she did get money that day she didn't spend it on me or food. She went to her gambling place, and I stayed home eating another TV dinner until the sun came up the next day. In the morning I saw Mr. Reynolds leave our home as I ate the last bit of cereal, and he ran out again.