The Sweetest Devotion (The Affair Series Book 2)

A Break

LENA POV

"Lena I won't say I told you so. I'm not going to do that to you because I  that's not what you need from me and I would not be a friend if I did." Jenna said to me as we sat in her kitchen sipping on coffee as I had flown down to San Diego just yesterday to get away. Sacramento was killing my heart and so was Stef for I didn't even know what our relationship was anymore if it was anything as we had another fight over the phone. Our fights were draining, continuous and hurtful. Even worse than the ones that I had with Mike and I wasn't even sure why but this Stef that I knew now was not the one I met in San Diego. Not at all. She barely touched me anymore, kissed me or said I love you. It was as if she felt nothing for me anymore or maybe she did and didn't want it anymore and I just didn't understand why. What the fuck was going on for she was unrecognizable to me and it scared me. It did for I missed her.

"I'm ok I just didn't know if you even wanted to still talk to me Jenna."

"Lena, look I am sorry I was so harsh to you. I was worried and scared for you, I was and didn't want you to get hurt."

"I know and I could have expressed myself better to you."

"Listen it's water under the bridge. I'm just happy you are here. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too and our friendship."

"Me too and you don't need to talk about anything that you don't want to. I promise. Truth was I was rooting for you and Stef. I really was."

"Yeah. I don't even know where we are right now Jenna. All we do is fight and her temper is it's hard to deal with."

"She has baggage Lena. And I know it's hard for you to understand that. But she does. She probably doesn't mean to take it out on you but what kind of temper are we talking?"

"Anger. I was only trying to help her with her kids and I pushed. I did something she asked me not to."

"What?"

"I found her daughter she had given up at 16."

"She has another kid? That she had at 16?"

"Yes."

"Wow. Lena honey I will say there are many ways this can go. Maybe you should not have intervened but even so maybe you both need to take a break until she figures her life out."

"Jenna how can I just walk away from her like that. She needs support."

"Ok yes she does but at what expense? Your sanity? Look everyone needs time to fix themselves up sometimes but are you staying with her because you feel guilty about leaving her or are you staying with her because you love her? Don't stay with her out of obligation and how well do you know her?"

"Well truth was we didn't really know each other that well. We just didn't." I admitted sadly taking another sip of coffee.

"Did you love her because she got you out of your marriage or gave you an excuse to finally leave Mike?"

"No. Not at all. She became my friend and I felt deep feelings for her. Very deep."

"Ok but you didn't know her well. You knew her here and what she wanted you to see and when you moved to Sacramento you really saw who she was."

"Jenna I don't think she was hiding who she was on purpose."

"Maybe not. But who you are seeing now is who she is Lena. It just is and it's not pretty."

"It's not all who she is. She's more than this." I said taking another sip of my coffee and feeling tears begin to fall. "Deep inside she is a beautiful person who just is in alot of pain and is lost."

"You don't want to get lost with her. You already gave up so much for her. What has she given up for you? Has she asked you what you want out of life? What kind of life you want to live?"

"Yes she has many times."

"Since when?"

"Oh Jenna come on. She's not this horrible person you think she is."

"I didn't say that. But I'll ask you what I asked you a few months ago. Is she worth it and has she been worth it?Does she take you out? Do you have fun together?"

"Jenna we just need time apart for a bit. Stef will always be worth it to me."

"Lena I'm always on your side but please be careful with this one. Please. Because all I see is your heart getting broken."

Letting out a sigh I looked out the window to the beautiful San Diego sky that I missed so much. I missed many things including the time Stef and I shared in San Diego. That was long gone and so was our happiness as I glanced to my phone seeing our message history was nothing but mean words to each other. Deep inside I loved her  but we needed a break. We just did.