The Sweetest Devotion (The Affair Series Book 2)

Broken Walls

LENA POV

Why was it that the only thing I wanted to do was hold her. Hold her as we sat in the cafeteria together sipping on coffee. Why was I back here comforting her. Yes Frankie called me and told me what happened and was very concerned about Stef. I could have said no, but that was not the kind of person I was.

Our break from seeing each other didn't last long as I found myself staring deep in her pained eyes for I was wondering if this woman was ever going to get a break. Ever. To me it seemed she was willing to tell me in more detail than ever about her mother and many of the things she had done to her. Horrifying to say the least as it added an element to her that allowed me to understand what I had not before. Yes, she had told me a few things prior to this but this time she was really, really being open. Brutally open about her mother who wrecked and killed her childhood. Not once did I sense pity but more anger and hurt if anything.

"So Frankie called you huh?" She smiled at the mention of her daughter who I could see and feel she loved more then she could ever describe.

"She did. She was worried." I said as she let out a soft smile. "Her and Jude."

"Yeah my babies. So why did you come? You know you didn't need to."

"Stef I wanted to. I know it's not an easy thing either. Despite what happened between us, well, I didn't want you to be here alone either."

"I just dont want you to feel obligated."

"I don't. Is it hard for you to believe I care? There was more to us then just sex."

Looking to me she took another sip of coffee and let out a small smile.

"I never said that Len."

"So, what did the doctor say?" I asked as she let out a sigh running her hands through her hair.

"What didn't he say. Shes got a ton of shit wrong. A ton that she probaby didn't know about or take care of. Besides the heart attacks she had a stroke this year."

"Jesus. Are you serious?"

"Yup. And not only that she has stage four cancer. That's not even treatable."

"Oh Stef. I'm, I'm sorry." Leaning closer to her I wanted to so badly grab her hand as she looked to me sipping on her coffee.

"It's ok Lena. Honestly. I just wish I didn't care so much."

"You are human you know. I know she treated you poorly but you are human and you have a big heart. It's not easy for someone like you to just not care. It's not."

"Yeah I guess. It's a damm shit show with her. Always was. Seemed it was the only way she knew how to live."

"Was she back in Nevada I mean how did she even get here?"

"No. She's been living with my father."

"Your father?" I asked shocked.

"Yup good ol Mitch. Biggest dick alive. It was the two of them racking up my credit cards."

"Goodness. I don't even know what to say to that."

"Nothing to say. It's typical. Anyway I don't know her prognosis but it's not good and if anything I should have arrested her to be honest. But for what she will either die here on in jail."

"Well did you not arrest her because she is your mother?"

"Couldn't locate her. My mother is veryy good at hiding. Worse then a needle in a haystack. We knew she was in California but we didn't know where. Followed a few leads and trails but hit dead ends. Covering her tracks, yeah mama Sharon is good for that. Just like Callie."

"Oh honey." I let slip as she smiled softly. "Callie is still young and there is hope for her. She is messing up yes but it doesn't mean she will turn into Sharon. Sadly some kids need to hit a real low before they wake up and this might be one of those instances. I really don't believe you have lost her forever."

"Yeah maybe." She said taking another sip. "Regardless Sharon will most likly die in here."

"She may. Do you want to talk to her?"

"Ha and say what?"

"How you feel."

"Lena she is barely conscious."

"Doesn't matter. Get it off your chest with her. Let her know how horrible she made you feel and your life. Tell her. You have nothing to loose and it might take a weight off your shoulders and chest. I know it won't change what she did to you. I know it but I would get it all out."

Seeing the confiction on her face one I knew so well I understood it. Part of her was sad that her mother was dying the other part was relieved.

"Look I know you don't wish death on her I know it and she may seem weak and helpless now but that doesn't change how you really feel in your heart. Deep inside Stef and it's ok to feel how you feel. It is and its ok to admit it. Admit them to me." Staring deeply into her eyes she glanced into mine as if she carried the weigh of the world on her.

"Look, Lena I wanted to thank you. Thank you for Frankie. I'm sorry for the way I acted originally I was just blindsided and I didn't know what to do with it and I really suck at handling things sometimes.  I just didn't know what to do but because of you I have this angel in my life. An angel I love more then anything, I just can't even begin to tell you how much she has changed my life and....and thank you. I'm sorry. I really am and I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I'm seeing someone about my anger and it wasn't directed at you. It really wasn't."

"Stef, you don't need to apologize." I said leaning over and gently stroking her cheek wiping her tears. I understood and no it wasn't right of me to go behind your back and find Frankie. It wasn't but I guess I thought you would like to know what she looks like, or what her life is like and that she was ok. I thought maybe you would want to see what a beautiful woman she turned into."

"I do. I did. She's amazing."

"She is. And I know you were scared. I know you were and I understood your anger. There was a good amount of things going on for you and...well there is really only so much one can take. I wasn't trying to be your therapist, I was just trying to listen and sometimes my listening can come off as annoying. Makes me shudder to think how much like my mother I am." I laughed shaking my head as she did as well.

"Lena, you are an amazing woman. Patient, loving and understanding. I've never met anyone like you and I guess sometimes that scares me. Scares the fuck out of me."

"You don't need to be scared of me. Different is not always bad Stef."

"Yeah you are right." She said smiling as I returned it. "Lena I think you are right. I need to tell her, regardless. Even if it's the last fucking thing I feel like doing right now. I gotta face this shit and her."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Please."