The Sweetest Devotion (The Affair Series Book 2)

As If This Wasn't Enough

Time had a way of passing by quickly for Stef as she watched Frankie and Jude bond over the last few weeks. It seemed as if they were very comfortable with one another as Frankie helped her brother very often with his homework and he often helped her study for exams by quizzing her. The cop's heart was warmed by the interaction as her and her eldest  grew closer and the cop stayed on top of her therapy, group and AA. Since Frankie came to live with her and since Jude returned from camp the blonde had yet to have a major slip up and reframed from drinking the best she could but not completely. Smoking was still her worse vice as well and she had yet to kick the habit.

For the most part she was doing ok right now but neither of her kids were blind to her struggles no matter what the cop thought or what she tried to hide.  Certain days on the job, certain therapy sessions and visits with Callie would sometimes cause her to pick up a drink late at night when she assumed both Frankie and Jude were passed out. However, her daughter often stayed up late to study and had seen Stef a few times on the porch smoking heavily and emptying half a bottle of liquor. Sometimes she would just watch her for a few moments for it made the girl sad and she wished more than anything her mother would re frame from those habits but she never judged her, ever.  A few times however she added water to the bottles she found and threw out a few cigarettes from her packs which Stef noticed but wasn't sure who was doing it. Frankie's love for her mother had grown in the past few months and would only continue as more time passed. 

Having no partner, having no romantic relationship for what was the first time maybe left a hole in Stef'sheart as some nights she longed to feel Lena even if it had been months. She longed to talk to Diane she longed to share that part of herself even it had been her demise it was hard for her to know how to exist without it. It really was and one of the things that had really thrown her was saying goodbye to the love of her life earlier that day. It made her feel as if she lost her footing and place in the world. It made her feel hollow, depressed and pain ridden and she felt like she got smacked in the face. Yes Stef had tried to fade out of the woman's life the last few weeks hoping that would lessen the pain but it did anything but that for no matter how hard she tried she just wasn't prepared.

FLASHBACK

"I think that's the last of it Stef." Diane said as she taped up another box and carried it out to the moving truck. With the house now empty  that the two once shared together, that the two had wanted to make a life in with the babies so many emotions were being felt between the two that Stef could hardly breath herself.  She could feel the panic and worry and heavy bricks on her body as Diane looked to her knowing how she was feeling. "It will take me a few days to drive to Boston. But the weather looks ok so I should be fine." She said as the two now took a seat on the front porch steps.

"Yeah that's good babe. I checked it too. Suppose to be clear all the way to Boston." Putting her head down and unable to look at Diane the slim woman gently pushed Stef's face to look into hers. Everything she felt was written all over it as she too could feel her heart breaking. Breaking in a way that no words would ever do justice.

"Stef, I will miss you."

"Yeah? Ya'll be fine Di. You will go out and conquer the world like noone else baby. That's what you were meant to do." Looking away from Diane Stef's eyes fell on the ground once again as she remembered the day they bought the little home and she carried Diane up the steps for the first time promising to make a life together. Yes that dream had died many years ago but many had not. Swallowing hard she could feel her throat tighten and her chest. "Maybe the next owner will get to this loose step I never fixed." Using humor once again to shy away from her intense feelings Diane wasn't buying it, not this time anyway.

"Stef you are meant to conquer the world too and I could never have gotten this far without you. I could not have."

"No you would have love. You would have. From the time I met you you were meant to grow love, grow far behind what you are and have been. It's the one thing I've always wanted for you." It was hard to hold back the tears at this point for they were spilling from both women's eyes as Diane slid her hand inside Stef's for what was maybe the last time.