Leave {z.m.}

Eleven

I handed the bookmark back to Adelaide and hoped to never allow it to be within my grasp ever again. 

"I guess it's pretty old, isn't it? Wow, eighteen-thirty-eight? I wonder how it survived this whole time without being damaged at all. It's amazing." 

"Yeah. Amazing," I sighed.

"Hey, what's wrong? You know I wasn't actually angry that you'd taken it. It's just really special." 

"I know that." 

"Then why are you acting so strange? You could say, 'I'm okay, Addie. Don't worry. You didn't do anything wrong'. You know, something like that. A reassurance."

"There is nothing wrong. I do not know why you continue to assume that I am upset, but I am not. I do not become upset." 

Adelaide squinted her eyes as if she was trying to see directly through me. "Oh, right. I forgot. 'I'm Zayn and I never feel anything'. You know what? That's bullshit."

"It is not." 

"It is. It's bullshit." 

"Would you mind-" 

"Mind what? Not cussing? Well, guess what? I'll cuss whenever I want to." 

"Alright, I know that. I will not judge your actions," I tried to remain as calm as possible. 

"That's bullshit too. You're always judging every single thing I do because that's all you know. You keep saying 'I know'. Well, I know that you know I know about what you know. You know how to be fake, keep secrets, lie and judge everyone."

"You certainly know a lot," I commented without emotion. 

"UGHHH!" She shouted and threw her balled fists down to her sides. 

"I did not intend to pester you, Adelaide." 

"Don't call me that." She desperately tried to sound intimidating, though it did not work very well.

"What should I call you then?" 

"Addie! Call me Addie. Adelaide is something my grandma would call me." 

"But it is your name." 

"No shit, Sherlock." 

"Why do you prefer to be called Addie?" 

"Because it sounds better," she fired back.

"I do not think so." 

"See! There you are judging again!" 

I stayed quiet as she glared at me. I was not judging, but arguing with her would only make her angrier.

"Why don't you think so huh?" She put her hands on her waist and I sighed before closing my eyes.

 "You have a beautiful name that matches your beauty. You should not be embarrassed of your name."

Adelaide did not speak one word. I slowly opened my eyes to see her brown orbs fixed on me. 

"I will take these to the car for you," I carefully grabbed her suitcases and bags and she unlocked the front door for me. 

I thanked her with a nod and sauntered out to my car.

I set everything in the trunk and I slipped my keys into the ignition. I noticed that she was eyeing me from a window, so I waved for her to join me outside. She slid into the passenger seat and gazed at me. The second the car door shut on her side, I pulled out away from my flat and began towards the road.

My eyes flashed down and I noted that I needed to get gas. I took the route to get to the nearest gas station and avoided making eye contact with Adelaide. This was going to be a very long drive. I drove up to the gas station and parked beside a pump. 

"Do not go anywhere," I told her.

I stepped out of the car and took out some cash from my pocket. That's when she began to scream and I was panic-stricken. I rushed over to her car door on the opposite side of where I stood and swung the door open. Her screaming stopped and I bent forward closer to her. 

"What happened?"

"Sorry. I'm sorry. It was nothing. I'm sorry." 

"Stop apologizing. Tell me what happened." 

Her hands were shaking and I cupped mine around them to stop them. 

"Tell me," I pleaded softly. 

"I, well I, um, I just looked in the rear-view mirror and uh." She stuttered repeatedly and I took one of my hands from where it had been wrapped around her dainty hand, and I covered her mouth gently.

"You are safe. I will not let anything happen to you. Do you understand?" 

She nodded and I removed my hand from her lips. 

"I saw someone standing behind the car. I o-only c-caught a glimpse o-of them. There w-was blood on them."

I froze for a minuscule amount of time and then I backed away from the car, searching for whatever had frightened her. 

"Where do you think it went?" 

I did not know if it was human or not. 

"I don't know," she whimpered. 

I moved back to her and I used my index finger to tilt her chin up.

"You are okay. Nothing will hurt you." 

There was no reaction from her at all. She became very still and her breathing slowed. I was afraid that something was happening to her, something unexplainable, something supernatural. Her face leaned in closer to mine and I felt the warmth of her breath across my cheeks. Her eyelids fluttered as her hand reached up and touched my jawline.

I blinked twice in a row as she seemed to come even closer. My lips parted; I wanted this. I wanted her. I could not do this though. Not to her. I needed her alive. 

"I cannot," I whispered and pulled away, leaving her to feel rejected and bemused.

The gas had finished filling up and I quickly ran inside to pay before hurrying back to my car. Luckily, nothing or no one had taken Adelaide, so I drove off. 

"Why?" She wondered. 

"Why what?"

"You wanted to kiss me," she stated. 

My lips were sealed as she continued. 

"Why didn't you?" She asked with a noticeable frown.

I know that she deserves a real response. Not responding would hurt her, but responding would hurt her as well. 

"I cannot show any sort of affection for you."

"Why?" 

"I told you before." 

"I don't remember what you're referring to." 

"You will die," I reminded her with gritted teeth. 

"You can't just tell me when I'll die," she replied doubtfully. 

"I can. I cannot tell you how I know. Please stop asking questions."

"Something will happen eventually. You can't fight yourself forever. Just confess what you've been hiding this whole time. I know you want to tell me." 

I could allow her to die. I could not. Something about her was different. If I could die, this attachment would've been the death of me. It would be the death of her though.

I had lived with this ever since I turned eighteen years old. I was not capable of loving anyone. It would destroy me if she died as a cause of my vulnerability. Loneliness had consumed every part of me, and I accepted it. If I could be alone and avoid hurting or killing those I care for, that was what I would accept. I did not wish to tell her the story of my life...or death. I had to though. I had no choice. 

I would still lose her either way. 

"It is because of her curse. Gemma's curse."