Leave {z.m.}

Seventeen

"The trip to my house has been very eventful," Adelaide commented calmly as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. 

"I agree. We will be there in about twenty minutes." 

"Does death hurt?" She asked randomly. 

I had never been asked this question before, so I did not know how to respond. It caught me off guard.

"I'm sorry. I've just always wondered about it. For those who believe in a certain religion, they believe they know what will happen after they've died. I am uncertain though. I'm not religious, but I'm also not an atheist. I just question everything. I'm scared..."

 "No one who's died has actually come back to life, at least not someone who's been dead for years. They would never be able to tell anyone what happens after you die. Will I go to heaven or hell, have an afterlife, be reincarnated as something or someone else, or will it just be like I've turned the lights off? Will it seem like an empty, black hole where nothing exists for me anymore? Will I just be lost forever?" She continued as she pondered the topic.

"...I know this is a deep topic, but it's just what bothers me every now and then. I am just honestly frightened of dying. I don't want to die. I'm still in shock about this whole supernatural-world that you live in. You probably know the truth for me."

She breathed in and out unevenly and waited for a response. 

"Death is just a part of fate that must be accepted. Everyone essentially lives to die. It is not about what will happen when your life is over, it is about what you do with your life. The paths that you take. The choices you make. You have a normal life that I did not have. My fate was twisted with a destructive curse," I started and shrugged.

Adelaide opened her mouth, but she couldn't say anything because I continued on with my thoughts.

 "I wish I was not like this; death was different for me. I wish that I could have died and remained wherever I should have. Instead, I am forced to walk among the living without a taste of affection or love. For me, death did not hurt physically. It was not mentally painful either. Once death hovers over you and makes its presence known, you are not afraid. You know what is meant to be. You accept without question."

"And the only reason you're hurting now is because of the curse?" She guessed. 

I hesitated. Was I in fact hurting? I choose to not feel because it is easier to care for nothing. There are no complicated emotions. It is simple. Very simple, and boring. If I am hurting, it is because I want to hurt. I want to feel something, but I deny it to myself in order to not harm others around me. 

"The hurting is the direct result of denying myself the human nature of emotions."

"Then stop. Feel something. Be you and live, even after death's mark." 

"That is-" 

"It's normal. It's what you're supposed to do. You aren't anything supernatural. You're just a human who's being prevented from experiencing true death. You should think of this as being an immortal human," she indicated and I sighed.

"I will hurt you without intending to if I choose to feel." 

"It doesn't matter, Zayn. Remember the moth story." 

"Your death will not be at the fault of myself. I will not allow it." 

"You won't allow my death to happen? Or you won't allow yourself to be who you are?"

"This is who I am now, Adelaide; I belong to the dead! When in death's grasp, your life before is over. Human nature is forgotten. It does not matter anymore. There is no use for feeling when you are dead. If you wish for me and you to be together, it will not happen. It is not possible, so let go of that ridiculous idea!" I shouted angrily.

"You're contradicting yourself right now! You want to feel nothing, yet you're clearly annoyed and upset! You don't even know what you're talking about!" 

I glared as I drove and began to tell her the truth.

"I had feelings. I did. I cared for a woman who died within a second of an endearing touch of my lips to hers. We were walking along the beach when I gave in. I knew that I was in love with her, but I could not admit it to her. I could barely admit it to myself. I knew what would happen because of the curse, but I was foolish. I believed in soulmates and the like, so I kissed her. It was unbearable what I witnessed that day. Her death made me realize what I can cause. I am a perfect demolition."

I stopped the car in front of her home and parked silently. Adelaide unbuckled her seat-belt and remained seated for a moment. I tried to think about nothing, but alas, that is impossible. I had never spoken of her aloud before. Perrie Edwards. The woman I had loved but could not continue to love. 

It was just not supposed to happen.

"You think you know what my fate is, but you don't. My destiny isn't controlled by you, no matter what the curse has power of. I'm reckless and stupid. I will do what I want to do," Adelaide commenced, warily moving closer to me.

"And this is what I want."

She leaned over and her smooth, gentle lips met mine.