IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD

Chapter 7- Ellie Colpalson

The shivers that ran up and down my spine intensified as I thought more and more about the voice that spoke in my head. Who was it? I didn't know how to focus on the situation because I was freaking out. The world was spinning and I felt like vomiting.

I hadn't realized but I had basically fallen over and was sitting against the wall. I thought that my blurry vision, sickness, and dizziness was all but then my eyes went black.

I wasn't passed out; I was full aware, actually. Then came the fuzzy feeling in my brain. It felt like something was moving or shifting in my head. Panic surged over me as I became not only blind but my hearing had vanished. Now I was down two senses and confused, as well a disoriented.

The movement gave a stronger feeling. Then everything went still. I could hear and see, with the exception of the tears that flooded my eyes. No noise. All I saw was a white ceiling. No feeling. No pain.

Nothing.

I tried to move but quickly a shot of pain encased me and swallowed me with its intensity. I lay still again, dreading movement more than ever before. I was scared so I took the action that seemed most logical; go limp and don't do anything.

Then after sitting there in a half-conscious state I think I passed out. Or maybe I feel asleep?

*An hour later*

I woke up in a room, laying in a chair uncomfortably. I rolled over and pulled the old, weird smelling, white blanket that covered me off. My gaze now rested upon a women around the age of thirty. She was gorgeous with brown eyes and blonde hair fitting perfectly with her slender tall figure.

For some absurd reason, deep inside, I was being told to hate this woman. After that feeling set into me, Xander began to tell me that at all costs, make this miserable for the lady. I wondered why. She seemed like a totally likeable person?

I wiped the build up of crust from the corners of my eyes and then sat up straight. The room looked normal. I wasn't anywhere special. It looked as if I was at a normal doctors office. But something was different. Something felt different.

I focused on the ladies face and studied it. I wanted to be her now. Every inch of her china-white skin was flawless and not a dab of makeup polished of any feature on her face. She was arguably prettier than anyone I had ever seen.

I locked my eyes on hers and tried with all my might to find a flaw with in her and then I found it. This model looking woman who sat before me was none other than one of the few people who Xander and I both hate with burning passions.

It was the woman that Kathy calls, and I quote, 'Satan's Skanky Mistress'. This was the woman who split up my parents and made my life totally messed up. She is the woman that I rant about for fun a lot.

Ellie Colpalson.

I was lost for words once the name clicked with the face, so naturally I fell back on Xander for words. The first thing to appear in my head was," The she-satan in the flesh" so I said it with a smile. I think I said it to quiet because she looked up and said, "What, sweetie?"

The conversation proceeded as followed:

"Oh please. Cut the crap and move on with the psych consult."

"Excuse me?"

"Satan has ears so I know you heard me and stop looking like someone just slapped you. I am five but I'm not stupid."

"I don't know what you are talking about?"

"Ellie! The girl with the hot bod, willing to leap into bed with a married man and tear a family to shreds and obliterate the happiness in the O'Conners family."

"Oh.... you are one of Sam's girls."

"Cork it skank-face, I wasn't done talking."

"Sweetie we need to ignore the things that happen outside of work and focus on this consult so-"

"Hey Madame Whoresalot, can it, cause if you even have a shadowing thought about me putting away the fact that you ripped my family to pieces, you are even stupider than I would have suspected."

"Kat-"

"I have no interest in the things that you have to say-"

"Katrina!"

"Elaine! Yeah I can scream someone's name too. So just shut your trap and we will get this over with a lot sooner. Here's my thing for being in here: Xander is something that lives in my head. Why is that? I don't know figure that out on your own time. What can he do? Well, I'll tell what he can do. Your name is Elaine Marissa Colpalson. You are thirty-two and married to Samuel O'Conners, a divorced man who married you after the divorce was final. But the deeper story is that you went all Skankzilla on the universe and slept with my dad. Mommy walked in on you too and everything landed in your favor. You hide that you knew that he was married by lying to him if he asks. Once again, that gives more meaning to the whole 'I HATE YOU' element. You never have gotten married before but you married my papa cause you were pregnant and hadn't told anyone. You felt obligated that the child should have a dad so you married him but then you feared his reaction so you aborted the baby. You are an only child and both of your parents have died already. How do I know this? I have a legit freaking person in my mind. So thanks for your time but we are done here."

I got out of the chair and started walking away. Once I had grasped the handle I turned and said,"Pick your jaw off the ground; your starting to drool." And with a smile I walked out of the door and slammed it.

Walking away I felt confident but then I broke down in tears and curled up in a ball sobbing. I didn't want to move. All my emotions had just flowed out through my mouth with out a filter. The rush of it all made me feel sick. I was feeling consumed by the jolt of anxiety.

The floor was cold and dirty, but I didn't care. I didn't feel anything. I sat in silence filled with the nothingness that was my life. Xander came in and intruded my thoughts when they got to ending my life or giving up and shutting the world out.

You cant give up, he whispered, not now. Not after you have found a friend and even saved a life. Everything will one day make sense but now, in your youth, you must remain oblivious to somethings. But Katrina, Xander paused.

I was shocked at the encouragment in the words of Xander. He was always cold and strict. Now he was like Kathy, there with words to pick me up and push me forward.

I let out a quivering breath then stopped crying. Go on, I said internally.

Time is coming where all will seem to fall apart. Being in this very building changes so much for you. Tomorrow will change things even more. Each day things will change. That will go on until they no longer change. Either way, you must be prepared. Be prepared to fight when there is no hope. And to rely on those who you might not fully trust.

My tears had completely subsided. Now I felt determined to face what would happen. But yet nothing made sense. None of it. I stood and started walking back towards the room where James would pick me up when Xander said one more thing. Another clue. Another piece of the puzzle that would lead to some big picture.

But,do not trust Hally.