IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD

Chapter 22- The Next Four Years Part 3

Day 775-

This was a weird day for me. I was eight years old but still in the same mental state as when I was six. I was a lot more muscular but still hadn't talked since the Hally thing in the girls bathroom. But the weird thing was, Hally came to my room and did something so unexpected that I wrote down what I wanted to say on a piece of paper.

Now writing might not be some shocking thing but it was indeed the closest thing to talking that I had done in a while.

So it was midday on a Thursday, and all seemed to be normal. I woke up, worked out, took a shower, ate, and then sat in my room in pure, serene silence. I was playing with my hair and staring at my wall when my door cracked open and Hally walked in.

She looked tired and angry. "So, umm... my therapist told me that uh.... I needed to apologize to you and then she would stop threatening to turn me in. So I wanted to say sorry for well.. ya know.. trying to beat you up... umm... and uh.... saying mean stuff to you... and one more thing..." Her voice trailed off.

I knew what she was going to say before she said it, and by that I mean I knew what the last thing she was apologizing for was.

Something I never told you was that each day she would tell me rude things when I came out to get food or when I walked to the bathroom or when I left my room door open. She would call me things like "The Crazy Bitch From Room 504" and things that were simply names but on rare occasions when she was especially pissed off she would say things like, " Oh look, there's the girl who got given up for being Satan's biological daughter" and "Ya know no one has, does, or will love you. Ever. After all no one likes being close to someone who might kill your children without a second thought".

You might think that those things aren't clever or meaningful, but when you were actually told to go to hell by your entire family excluding your one likable sister and her boyfriend and when you normally referred to as a child of Satan, those things cut deep in the skin that you build up trying to stop comments from getting to you.

"I am sorry for making comments at you like that...umm... I guess I just let my anger and emotional damage get to me. So yeah, I am sorry." She turned to walk away but stopped when she heard me get up from my bed.

I walked to my desk and picked up a dull pencil and paper and wrote: I forgive you. You have reasons to hate me. Don't sweat it. Just know that I have forgiven you and move on.

She smiled at the words I wrote and then left. I thought what she did was kinda great. It did't make me feel anything and didn't change anything but I knew that it made her feel a little bit less angry so I accepted what happened.

So that changed somethings with me and Hally but she kept anger against me all the time but never released it until later.

That whole third year, not a word escaped my tongue, but I did take up writing things down but I only did it three times.

1.) The time when Hally came to my room

2.) I told you about a dream that I had the day that Rickey left and everything. I had written a message for James when he came in my room and tried to persuade me to talk. Well... that happened.

3.) My mother came one day to visit me but it didn't last long because she came in and hugged me but I was quick to push her off. I then signalled for James to give me pen and paper and wrote: Leave and don't come back. You make me sick.

So I didn't even do as much as hum that whole year.

I told you that those four years were hell but the third and fourth year were the worst of them all. I would constantly throw up day and night without end. No tears. No feeling of sickness. Only sleep, eat, vomit, repeat.

That happened during the end of the third year and the first two months of the fourth. The vomiting went away in march of the first year and never came back.

Get where my explanation comes from? Those years were hell.