My Daughter, Audrey [ON HOLD]

Falling Out of Love

It was a week after Peter and Jennie said their farewells to Audrey.  They hadn’t visited her, even though they wanted to desperately, but they knew all their time had to be devoted to finding work.   The nights were the worst for them.   There wasn’t one moment where they weren’t fighting or sweating over the telephone in fear that the job they had applied for would fall through in one phone conversation.   Jennie had committed herself as a fulltime showgirl as well as taking offers from greedy men.  She was paid well, but each payment sent a shameful cloud over her soul and she didn’t want to go home and face Peter.   Even though Peter was aware of her occupation, he excused her for his love for Audrey.   Peter had found a part time job as a traveling tailor; meaning he rarely came home at night, and the nights he did, he was too tired to speak to Jennie, who so dearly needed to communicate with him.  Their marriage was soon crumbling, and they became strangers to one another.  The only thing that kept them together was the goal to get Audrey back.

               Three weeks went by, and they had earned three-hundred seventy five dollars.   It was a good start, but such a payment like that every week would take them years to collect fifty thousand dollars.   Peter later applied as a store keeper at the local market and had an evening job as someone who maintained trains on the weekends.   Jennie found more part time work as s house-sitter, waitress, and even traveled to London, Brighton, and Manchester to teach underprivileged children to speak French and Italian.   Jennie and Peter seldom saw each other, and they never knew how much they missed each other until one night, a Saturday evening, Jennie finally worked in a conversation before Peter headed off to the train station.

               “Peter, before you go, I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”  Jennie, her eyes pulled by dark sags and her face rough from tedious work, slowly walked up to Peter.  “I wasn’t sure if it was true until I went to the doctor last week, but,” Jennie paused and placed a hand over her abdomen.  Tears, not joy, but sadness, rolled down her cheeks.  She looked up at Peter’s worn out face and sputtered, “I lost it!  I lost it two nights ago—I didn’t know what to do, so I called Dr. Coates and he helped me dispose of it!”

               Peter bent his eyebrows in confusion.  His mind was so caught up in all he had to do that it didn’t register that Jennie had lost their first child.   His face opened up in astonishment.  “A miscarriage?”

               Jennie nodded her head and went up to him.  She placed a hand on his arm.  “I didn’t know when to tell you, and I was so busy, I didn’t want to burden you with this!”

               Peter embraced Jennie and pulled her close.  He didn’t know what to say, much less do.  Having not been the one carrying the child, it was hard for him to create the emotional connection.  However, his feelings for his wounded wife gave him a sorrow that was not dishonest.  “Jennie, I’m so sorry.”

               “Peter,” Jennie mumbled as she pulled away from him.  “I want a divorce.”

               Peter laughed and then went expressionless.   “Wot are you talkin’ ‘bout?”

               “I can’t stand it here.  With you being gone all the time when I need you the most, makes me feel like you love Audrey more than me.”

               Peter dropped his coat and clutched her shoulders.  He shook her slightly.  “I don’t want to ‘ear ya say that!  I love ya!”

               Jennie shook her head in wide motions.  “No, you don’t.  No, you don’t.”  Jennie’s head hung to one side as she trembled with grief.  “I can’t stand this any longer, Peter.  I’ve worked hours and hours earning practically nothing!  I never see you, an—and, everything seems impossible!  I feel,” Jennie’s voice became stern as she spoke words that sent shivers up Peter’s back.  “I feel trapped.”

               “Jennie, I know I ‘aven’t made time for ya, but we agreed to work.”

               “I’ve pleased more men these past weeks and been around ill-behaved children, and coughing people—and I just can’t take it anymore!  I’ve barely felt the security I’ve desired from you.  Every time I want you, you’re either away or too tired to even—touch me.”

               “Jennie, ya ‘ave to believe me when I say there isn’t a moment I don’t think ‘bout ya.  Yer the motivation to keep me workin’.  Yer the face I want to see when I git ‘ome.  I know I don’t say much, but you waitin’ for me every time I git ‘ome means more than I think ya know.”

               “Oh, Peter, I—I love you, but if this is going to go on forever, how are we going to grow with each other?  It’s impossible.  I don’t want to stay here.  I’ll give you the money I earned to buy back your flat—but, this is too much for me.  I have to be honest with myself.”  Jennie pulled away from Peter’s hands and stumbled over to a chair.  She sat down and sniffled.   Peter came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, but she jerked away and made off to the bedroom.  The door slammed shut, discouraging Peter to pursue her.   Even though Jennie secretly wanted him to come in and comfort her, he instead did what he thought she had wished for: he left.