serendipity

p a i n

tw: indirect mention of rape

i look at everyone and
everything around me
and decide
i am in pain

not the type of pain
in which you stub your
toe against the leg
of the table

or the type of pain in
which your mouth
burns after eating
something spicy

or the type of pain in
which your head hurts
after an exhausting day

but the type of pain
in which you feel numb

the type of pain
in which you feel like
screaming and shouting
but are unable to make a sound

in which you want to
run but your
legs feel paralyzed

the type of pain
in which you feel the
entire world collapse
on your shoulders

in which you feel
that you're being swallowed whole
and there's no one
there to help you

in which you are
screaming for help
but the world seems to
be screaming back

the type of pain
in which even smiling
is an act of bravery

it's all because of him
i thought to myself

till this day i remember his smile
devoid of warmth and humor
with a look of hunger in his eyes
he took something of mine
extremely valuable
away from me

unenthusiastically, i flipped
through the channels
on the television to distract myself
knowing it would be useless

the tv flashed images of pain
little children with so much to live for
reduced to nothing more
but broken bones and ash

it showed muslim women
being kicked out of restaurants
because them covering themselves
made other people uncomfortable

it showed a clip of a father crying
in hopes that he would get killed
instead of his newborn son

this made me realize
that we all are suffering
some greater than others
but we all are

what the beautiful thing is
we still choose to continue
we still choose to wake up
every morning
because who knows
today might be a better day

i thought about this
and it brought tears to my eyes
after weeks of emptiness
and impassiveness
crying felt so good

_______________________________

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love love love - s