serendipity

euphoria

trigger warning: death, five hundred words simply about drugs and the effect it has.

the first time she touched me, i saw constellations. her stars gave me a sense of what it felt like to be free. temporary euphoria. so addicting. so damn good.
but. never. enough.

her cold fingers wrapped around my neck, slowly numbing me yet i craved for more.
she was an artist and i wished to be her canvas
i needed her to destroy me with hues of blue the same way she had destroyed all her previous paintings.

they never told me it felt so good to feel absolutely nothing. she gave me temporary satisfaction, she opened locked doors for me so i could escape reality, she kissed the emptiness away, she had me under her trance, wrapped around her little finger.

i had starved my entire life, hungry in search for her. maybe that is why her taste was just never enough. i wanted more and more, my body was begging me stop. i swore to myself that i wasn't getting addicted, but isn't that what an addict says?

i̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶a̶d̶d̶i̶c̶t̶

if i'm strong then she has enough power to lift mountains from their place. the gun was always in my hands. it was always i who was holding it. but it was always her with power to pull the trigger. that's how powerful.

i had to let go of her because it was terrifying that my entire happiness rested in the hands of someone who could pull the trigger anytime they wished to.

the first week without her was hell because i had searched everywhere and she was just nowhere to be found , the second week was even worse because i had come to the realization she was truly gone. the third week was somewhat better because i no longer craved her like i used to. the fourth week was the worst because i fell for her all over again and you know what she did? she pulled the trigger.

- addiction

______________________________

i have used the drug morphine as a metaphor of someone who's love was very toxic. i did quite a bit of research before writing this and before i get started, i just want to put out there that morphine is a really hard drug and is sometimes used by doctors to relieve pain, an overdose of this drug can be really dangerous.

morphine acts directly on the central nervous system to decrease the feeling of pain. the body develops a tolerance to the drug and as the use continues, it requires more and more to achieve the desired effect.

these receptors will trigger different responses based on what they do in the body. some of the receptors that morphine affects are m 1-receptors, causing analgesia (the inability to feel pain) and euphoria; m 2-receptors, causing drowsiness and mental clouding; k-receptors, causing dysphoria and mild respiratory depression; and d-receptors, causing delusions and hallucinations.

i found reading about it really interesting. please note that i do not by any means condone the use of drugs especially hard ones like morphine.

love love love - s