serendipity

my dear brother

my dear brother

there are times
when i go into
periods of self pity

but then i think about you
how you always wanted to be a painter
but had to take care of father's business
being the only son after four daughters.

the office drove you mad
everyday was the same
meetings with the same people
the same food, same jokes
this was not the life you wanted.

my brother, i remember
the masterpiece you drew
my brother, i remember
the glow on your face
everytime you held a paintbrush.

my brother, i remember
the hint of gold in your eyes
when father gave you
your first set of paints.

my brother, i am sorry
that you were never allowed
to show your emotions
because crying is a sign of weakness.

my brother, i am sorry
that because of the
insane pressure
you tried to to take your own life.

my brother, i am sorry
that it is now i have realized your pain
that now that i have a son of my own
with a passion similar to yours
i understand what you went through.

my brother, do you know
everyone says my son looks like you?
do you know that every painting my
son makes is a painful reminder of you?

i got my son his first set of paints
the expression on his face
took me back twenty years
it reminded me so much of you.

my brother, i apologise
for what this world did to you
i hope you are drawing
angels up in heaven.

- a poem to my brother

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love love love - s