Twice in a Lifetime (Zayn Malik)

Chapter 81. Familiar.

Songs:

Say it now - the afters

Breathe me - sia

Say something - a great big world

Love the way you lie - eminem and Rihanna

Chapter 81

Mia's POV

"I can't," he mumbled hoarsely.

"You can't," I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I can't..forgive you," he repeated.

His words literally send a knife through my heart as I wrangled with myself to keep in the tears.

For a second, I thought he would've forgiven me. I thought he wanted another chance. I thought wrong apparently.

I inhaled a deep breath and joined him on the bed, sitting an arm's length away. The distance between us was widening. And I didn't know how to stop it.

"So what now?" I asked, completely defeated.

"I don't know," he replied, keeping his gaze ahead. "All I know is that I can't let you go."

Can't let me go? He can't let me go yet he can't forgive me.

I didn't see how it could ever work between us. Now it wasn't about who we were to each other, it was about what we did. I could care less about who I used to be to Zayn, a wedding planner, a bodyguard. I used to worry so much about it but now it seemed like such a meaningless issue compared on this very moment that could destroy our relationship.

Even if it was a lie, even though Jack didn't exist, this experience showed me what I thought I would never hear. Zayn couldn't forgive me. And I couldn't admit to him that I'd already forgive him.

We were both too stubborn. We were both too messed up. We were both too in love.

"You have to let me go," I told him. "If we can't even forgive each other for the wrong things we did, how can we keep this, what we have, going? We shouldn't hold onto something that's not there anymore..there's nothing there for you anymore, is there Zayn?"

"You want to break up?"

His abrupt question stupefied me.

Break up? That's what I was basically asking for but hearing it, hearing those actual words come from him, it scared me. Breaking up meant losing Zayn. And losing Zayn .. was unimaginable.

"Do you?" I asked, hoping his answer would be clear cut.

"No, but..." There's always the but. "If it's what you're asking for, I should respect it. Your decisions, I should respect them. If you can't forgive me, I don't see how you'll ever trust me again. If you don't want me to stay, I shouldn't stay and force my love on you."

You can't force a thing such as love...

That's what he told me when I told him to run back to Lindsay.

"Zayn..." I didn't know what to say after that. His name was the only thing I was capable of saying.

"Are you serious?" he spoke with disgust. "I can't believe you actually want to break up!"

"What? How did you come up with that? You're the one who suggested it," I reminded him. His mood changes never ceased to surprise me.

"You are not even denying it!" He shouted as he pushed himself off the bed, turning away, and just when I thought he was leaving, he motioned around and pointed his finger at me.