Creepypasta OCs Advice + Reviews

Jamieson Shifferd

This creative OC was submitted by wedontcareanymore . So so so sorry for the late upload, I hurt my my wrist and have been incredibly busy. Nevertheless enjoy!

NAME: Jamieson (Jamie) Elizabeth Shifferd
That is a really interesting name, not too eccentric and not too basic.

CREEPYPASTA NAME: Murder Melody (From the title of the first song she used for murder)
Having a rhyming name starting with something relating to killing such as, "Slicing Sarah" or, "Gorey Georgie" makes me cringe a bit. I personally find the name slightly iffy, but it does make sense.

CATCHPHRASE: no catchphrase, but does play a part of the lyrics to a song
Hm, that's new. Does she whip out a stereo and set up the song, adjust the volume, then play it and jump in for the kill? I imagine that would be an odd process no matter how you try to justify it, but I love the idea of it. Very creative.

PROXY: nope
Good.

AGE: 14
Young...I hope this has a damn good explanation.

GENDER: female
Ok.

SEXUALITY: panromantic asexual
oooOoOo0000Oohhhhh nice.

SPECIES: human
Good.

ETHNICITY: Caucasian (Nationality is half Italian and half French)
Awesome, I like the diversity.

RELIGION: Omnicist (belief that no religion is the absolute truth but there's truth in all religions)
Those are actually my beliefs, although I say I'm atheist. I like this.

KILLING STYLE: swift and quick slice to the throat or various other quick methods of slicing
That would take lots of practice, as this is a very precise way of killing. It's not just...boom, dead. Again, I'm iffy of this because your OC is so hecking young but I have nothing against the actual method. It's quite good.

KILLING MOTIVE: food, water, and a temporary place to stay
A very rational motive!

PERSONALITY: Jamie is cold to people she doesn't trust,so most people. Doesn't know how to be a good and caring friend often, but she'll be there when it counts. Very energetic whenever people aren't around. She is very paranoid, especially around people. Overthinks everything to philosophical beliefs to her favourite colour. Refuses to talk almost entirely (and hasn't talked for years prior to backstory)
This is an incredibly realistic and well thought out personality, believe it or not. It's believable as hell, I love it a lot. Props to you here.

MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: mild psychosis, ocd, bpd
This is a realistic mixture. It'd be much more realistic if you out depression and/or anxiety I'm there as well, as they are very common in those with such severe mental illnesses like these. OCD is considered an anxiety disorder, and BPD can easily lead to depression. Just fix that up a bit but otherwise, if you did your research, this is great.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: short and messy dirty blonde hair, deep blue eyes, pale but not completely white, wears a simple thin blue hoodie with a pin of orange headphones she found pinned on the bottom pocket, plaid denim jeans, hides her hair using a wig cap and wearing her hood over it. Blacks gloves and a tragedy drama mask(as in the tragedy and comedy drama masks)
A new sounding design, ooh. I love the idea of the tragedy drama mask. Quite original.

HEIGHT: 5ft 4in
Average, good.

WEIGHT: 105lb
I guess this is a little underweight but it's still believable.

PHYSICAL HEALTH STATUS: nearsighted, prone to colds, underweight due to forgetting to eat sometimes because of being to focused on other priorities, severely pigeon toed(toes point inwards), mild restless leg syndrome which causes her to pace to prevent discomfort in her legs
You say eating/food is one of her killing motives though...how can she forget to carry out such an important action? That's contradictory to common sense and your previous statements in a way. The rest of these are good though.

FAMILY MEMBERS: Allison (sister)-deceased
James (father)-deceased
Madelyn (mother)-deceased
Katherine (half-sister)-alive(moved out)
I hope to see how the family died, and poor Katherine. All alone now.

ALLIES: Kristen (She was an imaginary friend from when Jamie was young, she claims to no longer believes in her but will pretend to talk to her occasionally is she wants help on something)
A believable and new ally!

ENEMIES: her paranoia makes it difficult to not see people as enemies at times
Sounds useful if you're a Creepypasta but I see how this could be quite bothersome.

SKILLS: adept at blending in or going unnoticed entirely, looks innocent, knows how to break into houses easily
I don't think someone wearing a tragedy drama mask and wig cap would be particularly innocent or unnoticeable, but to some degree these make sense. Again, original.

WEAPON(S): switchblade (she just found the first compact weapon she could find, and switchblades were somewhat common in her household)
Ooh, an efficient blade.

STRENGTHS: street smart and thinks around the box to avoid confronting authorities entirely, can be very determined at times, uses her small frame to hide easily
Awesome

WEAKNESSES: not extremely athletic and slightly clumsy, she if she were to have to confront police she would have difficulty getting away. Her constant paranoia sometimes distracts her at the task at hand,
OK, again, creative

STORY DESCRIPTION: Usually if someone is lucky enough to be able to speak, they will naturally speak. But if someone was taught their voice didn't matter, what happens to them. That is exactly the case of Jamie Shifferd, who became determined never to use her voice again and not listen to other people's voices either. Slowly she was but a ghost in public. What happens if someone tries to force her out of that state though?
If you're planning to write a Creepypasta story about Jamie, this is a great start! You captured a lot here. It doesn't detail any plot but will likely draw in horror and thriller/mystery fans that know what they're lookin' for.

BACKSTORY:
So, I just screenshotted the backstory since it was long, anut my iPad isn't allowing me to out it in this draft. I'm sorry about that. I'll just type my review here without a picture.

Strong start, gives more broad detailing to Jamie. I love how you gradually and casually moved into the paranoia and mute thing rather than just, BAM! The psychology and motives are quite accurate. Though, the dark turn towards apparently planning to kill her parents is iffy. Killing parents is seen as cliché and I hope you carry this out well. She is 14, and it takes a lot to make someone kill another. You don't just decide to kill someone. I do see how this could be realistic a bit though.

The ending was a bit choppy and the kill wasn't super thrilling, but again I see how it could work. I personally still don't like the "I killing my parents" trope but I guess you pulled it off better than average.
And for the extra, it seems to detail on her OCD and fears, correct? That addition gives that cherry on top, it's lively and more fluid to hear.

Overall: This was a good OC! It had many original and creative element that you balanced in your favour. The trope in the backstory was a bit rough as well as the contradictory physical health vs killing motives, but this was good. If you plan to write a story, I suggest playing around with her personality a bit to stretch it like a balloon, allowing more scenarios to become simple options. Her personality is a bit still but putting some things into different words can make her sound more believable, more realistic than she already is.
Thanks for submitting, this OC is original!