holding on • jenzie

28 ⇝ make her happy

» You're always one decision away from a completely different life. «

「 In which Johnny is consoled by Lauren. 」

Dedicated to: sugasuga684 Because I recently found your stories and I am obsessed! I recommend her stories to anyone looking for good books ;) <3

POV: Johnny Orlando
DATE: 30th January 2026

•••

It was torture. I was under the influence of a drug, scratching the surface of reality, and I couldn't wake up.

It was like someone holding me down under water so I couldn't breathe. It was like someone was standing all over my back, making it harder for me to draw in air.

I knew it was wrong. I knew something was wrong, even through the induced haze the hospital workers put me in. I knew that somehow, I should be deeply upset.

And that scared the crap out of me.

My sleep was fitfull, restless. I was tossing and turning, almost like I was hoping to wear off the spell, wear off the anaesthetic, by constantly moving. I could hear hazy voices, distantly. Phrases from the people I love drift through my consciousness.

"It's a six hour surgery." Says a feminine voice brokenly. Lauren.

"No, John can't hear you, he's sleeping." A deeper voice sounds. Mackenzie's stepdad.

"Good, But I don't what to think about what will happen to John if she doesn't come out okay. It'll tear him apart." Says the feminine voice again.

Collective sighs are heard. Slowly, I piece together the information, and everything falls into place to my complete and utter horror.

The reason why my throat is sore? Because I was screaming for Mackenzie. Howling for her.

The reason why there's a pain in my lower back? Because I had a kidney operation. I only have one kidney now.

The reason why my heart and mind are reeling profusely? The love of my life is gone into theatre without the promise of coming out alive.

Fucking hell.

The realisation pulls me back to consciousness, gasping. I sit bolt upright.

"John!" Melissa exclaims, dumbfounded.

"Lie down!" Lauren commands, running forward to push me back gently. I lean back to my elbows, wincing.

"Where." I get out through gritted teeth, coughing. "Where is she, how long?"

They don't even need to ask who I mean. Melissa purses her lips.

"Contrary to the last time I met you Melissa, it's a little different, but this time I have no intention hurting Kenzie. It would kill me!" I argue loudly. "Is she okay? Where is she?"

Lauren hushes me, wide-eyed, but it's Greg who speaks. "It's a six hour surgery son. Three times as long as the last one."

"But why?" I ask, exasperated.

"An artery has flipped. The kidney was rotating around." Lauren says in a small voice.

"No way." I collapse backwards onto the pillows, exhausted by simply sitting upright.

No one speaks.

We sit in silence.

Thoughts, memories, hopes dance across my mind.

I remember my words to Lauren before they hit me with the pain-relief and sleep inducing drug.

"I didn't tell her I love her."

It was completely and utterly true. I didn't let her know, I was the face of calm, but inside, terror reigned. I was a coward. I was cowardly. Too scared to admit that I love her just incase I didn't make it out of surgery.

And how I regret it.

She may never hear me say I love you again. She may never hear the words I've been wishing to tell her over and over, to shout from the rooftops, ever since that blessed night when we kissed after her nightmares.

I imagine a funeral for her, and quickly shove the thought away; as far as it can go. There's no way she's going to pass. Die. Stop breathing. I can't even contemplate the thought.

"Can I have a word, John?" Melissa asks in a trembling voice. I nod. Greg and Lauren exchange a look before heading out in the hall silently.

"Yes?" I ask her, weary and tired.

"Do you love her?" She questions quietly.

"Do I love her? Of course I love her. I bloody loved her even when we were separated, but I passed off the feeling as hate." I pause, thinking horrible thoughts. "We could have had more time." I then add.

She shakes her head, tears going down. "If she makes it out of this, promise me you'll do something for me."

"Anything." I breathe, not even wondering what it entails. I can't even comprehend what life after this crucial surgery is.

"Propose." She chokes. "We have a family heirloom ring that I was supposed to give to Maddie, but didn't. Jack loves her, but not enough. Not like you love Mackenzie. Propose. Be with her for life."

"Melissa." I say, shocked. "I–"

And although I'm mortified at myself, I break down. Hot tears run down my cheeks. I nod profusely, willing the tears to go away. "I'll do it. If she can hold on, I promise."

"I'm saying this as your Mother, because of how yours passed. Make her happy."

I break down again.

Because after losing my parents, It's too hard to even think about losing Mackenzie.

It's too hard.

•••

[872 words]

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