holding on • jenzie

20 ⇝ you're safe

» When something bad happens to you you have three choices; you can let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you. «

「 In which everything gets worse. 」

Dedicated to: jenziestoriesxo  LOVE U

A/N ~ So you know how you watch a movie and you can see it with your eyes? For this chapter, I encourage you to imagine a movie going on in your head while you read. Imagine the smells, sights, tastes on your tongue– it may take you longer to read but it's far more enjoyable I promise.

POV: Mackenzie Ziegler
DATE: 26 January 2026

•••

A storm is brewing.  Cyclone, tornado, hurricane– whatever you want to call it, it's heading our way. Dead giveaways are the almost black rimmed clouds and the howling winds sweeping through the streets of Los Angeles. It's cold wind, freezing in fact, and it makes me miss the warm, enveloping and inviting air of the hospital. But not the hospital itself.

Countless negative thoughts pursue me, but instead of leaving the voices in my head to ramble, I block them out. With a shiver, I draw my flimsy, maroon coloured hoodie towards my body in an attempt to keep my body heat. It fails.

Hurrying away from the hospital takes a little longer than I thought it would. Anywhere, anywhere is better than the hospital which reminds me of sickness and health, pain and comfort, and the stark difference between life and death.

Without my knowing, tears had been dripping down my cheeks. They're angry tears I think as I walk furiously around the block. At least I hope they are.

When I reach my destination, a park bench that I used to come to as a teen, I almost collapse while fitting my head into my hands. Somewhere along the way I've lost or dropped my handbag, causing me to hyperventilate a little, but when my phone is in my back pocket I curse in relief. With shaking hands and an unsteady heartbeat, I bring up a group call; to Maddie and Melissa, my two closest family members.

"Hello?" Maddie answers on the second ring. "How are you?" She then asks at the same time as  Mum greets us.

"Hi." I breathe out loudly. "I– I'm not good."

"Hun, whats up?" Mum asks while Maddie says, "Whats wrong love?"

It all comes rushing out of me, bubbling to the surface like a black, ugly wave of molten lava.

"I've got arthritis and I was finding that I was in a lot of pain and getting really sick a lot so I went to the hospital who referred me to this specialist man who took loads of these tests on me. Mum, Mads, I have an autoimmune disease called Lupus which means that my fucking kidneys aren't working and there's no cure, no cure but a kidney transplant. I can't even have that though, because I have AB– blood. My bloods really rare which means I can't get a transplant from just anyone, it has to be the same blood type, and I just don't know what to do because the waiting list is seven to ten years long! Without the kidney I can't survive for more than a few months from now and... There's so much more that I want to live for." In the last sentence, I choke, feeling it all crash down on me.

Loud, ugly, retched sobs pull out of my throat and my body doubles over, shaking. With horror, I cough racking sobs, and scream raggedly when I see that I've coughed up blood.