Two Sides

Interlude #2

He rises to meet her, taking in every detail. She's trembling. He edges back as far as he can against the frame of his bed. He spends a lot of time trying to figure out how to make himself seem less intimidating to her. She's tiny, and he can't change his size. He decides to sit on the edge of the bed, his hands at his side. This puts him in a position where she has to look down at him. It seems to calm her. She drops her hands. 

"I thought you said you didn't want to see me again." 

"I didn't."

He cocks his head to the side, confused. She must know about the planets they've destroyed this past week. She's come to beg for mercy. A tear slides down her cheek, dropping to the floor with a silent splash. He reaches forward to brush away its path, but stops as she tenses.

"I will kill whoever hurt you." 

"I don't need you to protect me, Ben. I'm fully capable of taking care of myself. Besides, with all of the damage you've done these past days, it could have just as easily been you causing me harm." 

"I knew you weren't on any of those planets. I can feel you." 

"I didn't come to talk about that."

He drags his attention away from the curve of her neck. "What, then?"

"Your mother died today."

He was prepared for a lot of things, but not this. His mother is an institution. She's faced death so many times and come through that he'd come to think of her as indestructible. He closes his eyes.

"How?"

"Her heart failed."

"She was a terrible mother." He opens his eyes to find her studying him. 

"Terrible or not, she was still your mother. You were the last thing she spoke of. She asked me to to come to you, to tell you of her death. And to tell you that she loves you."

"I felt it. When she died." 

Rey nods. "Me, too." 

He rubs his face with his hands. There's no anger in him. For some reason, when Rey is near, his rage drains away. But other emotions take its place. The brutal reality of Leia's death leaves him empty. A terrible mother, true. But he remembers her from his childhood. He would have done anything to please her. She always had a smile for him, a word of encouragement. And her hugs were wonderful. But he hasn't spent any time with her since he was young. He didn't know Leia the General. He never worked with her or shared her passion for the resistance. 

His eyes burn. Impossible. He can't remember the last time he cried, and he certainly won't do it in front of Rey. He suddenly feels trapped. He needs to get of off this blasted ship and breathe some fresh air. To walk and have the choice to continue walking forever. He digs his fingers into his scalp, allowing the pain to ground him. Rey's smaller hands close over his, gently pulling them away from the damage he's dealing himself. 

Without thinking, his arms circle around her waist, tugging her into him. He needs this contact. He craves it like an addict craves his next fix. She stiffens and then circles her arms around his shoulders, her fingers twined through his hair. 

"I wish you had known your mother," mummers Rey. "She loved you so much. She never stopped thinking about you and looking for you. She hoped for you, Ben. She hoped you would find happiness. I cannot help but think how sad she would be to see you like this. Desperate, alone, hurting, and unloved." 

His arms tighten around her. He finally has control of himself. He can shove his mother's memory into the closed box in his mind where he keeps his last image of his father. Just before he killed him. They both loved him. They just couldn't figure out how to show that love. Rey releases him and firmly moves his arms from around her waist. She drops down to the floor and peers up at him.

"I beg you, Ben. Please stop destroying these planets. Millions are dead. Millions of innocents. I know there is good in you. You cannot think this is the best path to ruling the galaxy." 

She's crying again, begging for people she's never met and shouldn't care about. It's her greatest weakness, this compassion for people who don't deserve it. He doesn't care about them. But he wants her. More than ever. The tears streak down, and something in his chest tightens. He cannot tolerate seeing her in pain. He must fix this, so she will stop crying. But he can't. He's too deep into the First Order. She was right when she said he'd picked his path.

And somehow, she knows. She sees it on his face, his decision to stay the course, and the tears stop. She nods, and stands. 

"I'm sorry for you, Ben. You will never get what you want if you stay here with them. They will use you up and toss you aside. Your mother asked me not to give up on you, but I don't see how I can continue to hope." 

Her face is twisted with grief. He stands, towering over her and so very close it takes every ounce of self-restraint not to pull her against him. She scrubs her face dry with her sleeves.

"Unless you have any other relatives who will request I notify you of their deaths, Prince, this is the last time you'll see me."

He nods. There's no changing their circumstances. He gently guides her chin up and brushes a ghost of a kiss across her lips. She takes a step back, an action that feels like removing one of his limbs, and vanishes.