Two Sides

And Adrift

Rey hadn't taken the time to sort herself out. The oppressive loss she felt smothered her, drowning her in anxious grief at every waking moment. She felt like she had lost a limb, yet when she looked down at her body, strangely detached even from it, arms and legs were accounted for. Ever since she'd woken up on the beach, thirstier than she had ever been on Jakku, she had drifted. 

Ben watched her with increasing concern. He kept his distance. She couldn't feel him anymore, even when he was close. They'd spent several weeks exploring the planet, which Ben said was a very small moon in this system, and found no signs of intelligent life, though they hadn't explored in any depth. Ben had busied himself making a shelter out of thick pine logs, and they now slept inside, shielded from the rain.

Time seemed slippery now, moving along with such fluid grace she couldn't get her bearings. Ben stayed near her, always watching her out of the corner of his eye, never letting his gaze linger. For a while she thought he was afraid of her, and shook herself mentally at such a ridiculous idea. That man wasn't afraid of anyone. She wasn't afraid of him, either, which pleased her greatly. 

"Rey?" 

She had been standing, staring out over the lake for an indeterminate amount of time. 

"Hm?"

Ben stepped right in front of her, leaning in to look her straight in the eyes. 

"I asked if you wanted to swim." 

"Oh. I didn't hear you." 

He nodded. "I know. Do you want to swim? I thought we could poke around out there and see if we can find anything. The ship might be in a more shallow area than the pod. It's worth a look." 

A little trill of fear snapped her fully into the present. 

"Swim. No, I don't want to swim." 

Ben straightened and crossed his arms, his intent eyes boring into her. He couldn't feel her emotions or read her thoughts, but he was adept at body language all the same. He did well without the Force. 

"Are you . . . afraid, little Jedi?" A smirk. 

Infuriating man. "Not afraid, no. I just don't want to." 

"Do you want to leave this moon?" He waited, and then added, "Ever?" 

"What would we do with the ship?"

"It has communications equipment aboard. And plenty of sealed rations. I love rabbit, don't get me wrong, but after three weeks of it every night, I wouldn't mind a change."  

She looked past him at the vast, glittering death trap and had to physically force herself not to shiver. There had been plenty of things on Jakku that could kill her. But nasty, underwater creatures hadn't been among them. 

"I'll teach you to swim. Come on." 

"I can't." She took a step back. 

He reached for her, cupping his hand behind her head and tugging her toward him. It was the first time he'd touched her in weeks. His cheek brushed hers as he pulled her hair loose of the rigged knot she'd taken to wearing to keep it out of her face. 

"I'm going to help you," he murmured, running his fingers through the strands and working out a tangled spot. "And I need your help." He backed away from her and stripped off his shirt. "If we find the ship, I won't be able to raise it on my own."

"Raise it?" He had gone mad. 

"Yes, Jedi, you still have use of the Force. And it can be used to move things around." 

She smiled, remembering when she had told Luke that the Force was used to make things float, and he had told her how wrong she was. The smile faltered when she looked out over the lake again. Ben caught the change and grabbed her hand. 

"Come on, let's get started." 

"I've never been swimming." 

"I couldn't tell. You might want to lose some clothing. It's harder to swim with it on." Her cheeks turned red, and she looked down at herself. "My boots are out there somewhere," continued Ben, walking toward the water. "I keep hoping they'll float ashore, but no such luck. Keep an eye out for them." 

She gritted her teeth and stripped down to her panties and the black strip of fabric she had torn of of Ben's cape to create a breast wrap. He didn't even bother to look at her as he waded into the water, shivering with cold. 

"You can float," he called over his shoulder, splashing water up over his arms and head. 

"Of course I can't." 

"Rey, you'd be dead if you couldn't. When we crash landed here, we were both knocked unconscious and I woke up to the both of us floating on the top of the emergency shuttle, face up."

"Knock me out, then. That's probably when I do my best swimming." 

He turned and held out a hand. She edged into the water, jolting at the cold, and accepted it. "Don't swallow any. Just keep your head up. I'll remind you how to float, and then to tread, and then we'll see how far you can swim. All the running and meat eating you've been doing should have built up some useful muscles." 

"Just like that, huh?" 

"I am glad to finally be permitted to teach you something." 

She snorted. "Necessity." 

He tugged her out into water where she could barely touch, and began to instruct her on how to hold her body to float, and what to do if she needed to rest while swimming. He seemed delighted in this torture. She worked hard to control her fear, and her breathing. Slowly, she learned to trust her body. If she heard, "humans float," one more time, she was sure she'd throttle him in his sleep.

"I'm also glad you're out of your daze," he said, his hand hovering just below the small of her back, ready to lend her some buoyance if she faltered. 

"I'm not sure if I am." 

"I'm ready to talk, when you need me." 

She reached for his arm, flailing a bit, and allowed him to right her. Then she pulled herself close to him, pressing into his warmth.

"I don't want to talk," she said, pleased with his surprised expression.

"No?" he gruffed, allowing his hands to settle on her waist. 

"No."