Two Sides

Explanations

I'm in the co-pilot's seat of the Falcon, my feet up on the console, a baby porg snuggled into my tunic. This ship carries memories I haven't dealt with in quite a while. Chewie, Finn, and Poe are gathered around me. They let me sleep as long as I needed, shower, and dress in clean clothing. I know they want my story, but I can't figure out where to begin. I'm a different person than I was when they left me on that planet months ago. Ben is in the shower now, and has been silent since we woke. 

"What's happened since last I saw you?" I figure I might as well start.

They all three gape at me, and then Poe clears his throat. "Until a week ago, we thought you were dead."

"Sorry," I say. "I haven't been able to communicate since I last saw you. We went from bad to worse. How did you find us?" 

"Us?" says Finn. 

Chewie grumbles. 

"Coruscant's underworld was buzzing with news of Carias' newest fighters before you even arrived," said Poe. "It was broadcast to the galaxy. He made a killing off of you. We came as soon as we could, and it took us all this time to get in. The arena is well hidden. The General left quite a bit of political capital behind, especially on Coruscant. Turns out her powerful friends were more than willing to help us out with your rescue. Being that you are the Heroes of the Galaxy and all."

"I'm no hero," says Ben, his voice edged with venom. 

Damp-haired Ben leans against the wall, frowning at the clusters of children playing with porglets on the floor. He doesn't move toward us. He crosses his arms, doing his best to channel Kylo Ren. 

"Stop glowering!" 

"I'm not glowering. How am I on THIS ship, with THESE men? Fate thinks herself a comedian." 

"Please try to be nice. They did save us. And they are my friends. I won't let them hurt you." 

Ben snorts out a laugh. "How do you figure they would go about hurting me?"

Rey glances around at the others to find them looking back and forth between her and Ben, puzzled expressions on their faces. 

"That's weird, you guys," says Finn. "We know you're telepathing or whatever." 

"My apologies," says Ben. 

"Keep up that nice talk and I'll reward you later."  That gets a smirk out of him. 

I leave the porg in my chair and move to him, and run my hands down his arms so he uncrosses them. All eyes are on us, but this has to be done. I doubt my friends will ever trust him, but they will come to accept him. He frowns down at me and then his expression softens. 

"Join us." I motion to the fore, and stand on my tiptoes and place a light kiss on his lips. 

I push every emotion I'm feeling through the bond, trying to reassure him. He relaxes a bit, enough to distance himself from emo-Kylo and settle back into Ben. 

"I'll hold you to your promise of a reward," he murmurs, and I shiver. He runs his fingers through my hair and kisses my neck, the edge of his teeth pressing against my skin. 

"That's not really cool, either," says Finn, and my cheeks flush. 

Ben laces his fingers through mine and leads me back to my friends. Everyone seems uncomfortable. At least there's one point of common ground.

Ben offers a concise, clinical overview of our time since the Rebels fled the green planet and left me behind. It takes him about three minutes, and I'm surprised by how much he leaves out.

"Those memories are too intertwined with you," he says. "I won't share you with them, not the ways I've come to know you. You are mine." 

I nod. I understand. It just seems like it should take longer to explain events that irrevocably changed my life. And his. 

"Sounds rough," says Poe. 

"What did you eat?" says Finn. "On the moon?"

"Rabbit," says Ben. "I'd be glad if I never have to eat it again."

"Shoot," says Finn. "That's what we're having for dinner tonight!"

Ben looks at me, long-suffering expression on his face. I laugh. No, he probably won't ever be friends with them, but he'll at least play nicely. 

"You two," says Poe, "are basically celebrities. But, ah, what are we calling you?" He looks at Ben and waits.

Ben sighs. "Ben will do. I killed Kylo Ren when I destroyed the First Order."

He glances at me, and I nod. Kylo Ren is far from dead, and we all know it. But I hope he'll fade over time, and I don't believe Ben wants to be that man anymore. 

"Well, the First Order apparently kept track of all of their communications and surveillance off-planet," says Poe. "It wasn't long before the entire galaxy viewed the aerial feeds of their destruction, and pieced it together with the location of the starkiller ship. Then there were vid feeds of Rey entering the engine room, and of that ship's destruction. It wasn't too hard to piece it together. We thought you both died. We've been to Rey's funeral."

I had no idea there was so much recording going on. Ben reaches for my hand, squeezing some assurance into me. That sick, gut wrenching feeling of killing all of those people is something I don't think I'll ever recover from. Enemy or not. I'm no hero. 

"Hey, Rey," says Finn. "It's OK. You did what you had to do." 

"You're really pale," says Ben. "Maybe you should sit back down."

He takes my elbow, lifts the porg, and presses me into the seat. He holds the bird at arms length, narrows his eyes, and hands it to the nearest child.

"So we're heroes because we destroyed the First Order, regardless of why we did it?" says Ben.

Chewie nods and tells them to prepare to land.

"Where are we going?" I ask. 

"To meet with the Galactic Cooperative," says Poe. "The people who filled the power vacuum you so conveniently created for them." 

"I hate politics," says Ben. "Just stay with me and don't give them any more than you have to."

"Any more what?"

"Of yourself."