Two Sides

In Preparation

The last five days have proven that I am gifted in Force Healing. I've healed Ben's battle wounds time and again. He would have died after the second battle from blood loss had I not put the huge artery in his arm back together. He allows me to knit muscles, bones, and vessels, but refuses to allow me to heal the scars on his skin. They actually make him happy. I've been relatively lucky, sustaining only a twisted ankle and some cuts. Good thing, because he is not so gifted in Force Healing. Ben says the Force makes me quick and him deadly. 

After the blixus fight, we faced a rancor, acklays, nexu that for some reason did not respond to mind tricks, and rathtars. Ben continues to insist that we keep our use of the Force minimal. He says it's what Carias wants - a show. And so we don't give it to him, dispatching the poor creatures with as much efficiency and mercy as we can. They're nasty, but they're in just as crappy a situation as we are, and there's no reason to prolong their suffering for the sake of entertainment. Carias was not amused. We had last night off, and not a word was said about why. Regular arena bouts resumed. 

"Maybe we won't have to fight anymore," I say.

Ben smiles at me, the "aren't you just so cute and oblivious to how the real world works" smile. I roll my eyes and stuff another bite of jam-slathered bread into my mouth. The food here is amazing, even if the confinement isn't. 

"I'm glad to see your appetite is in place," says Ben.

"I've been hungry enough to know that when there's food, you eat it. As much as you can."

The dark storm cloud that has taken up perpetual residence around him moves in again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't tease you about eating. I don't have much of an appetite under these circumstances. I'm glad we're well fed. You've almost regained the weight you lost after we were stranded. I know you were hungry as a child. I've seen some of it in your mind." 

A little spike of panic shoots through me. I was such a desperate child before I learned how to feed myself. Hunger has been the only constant in my life. My cheeks flush scarlet with embarrassment. "What do you mean?"

"I was pulled into some of your visions when you were sick," he says. "I saw how agonizing it was for you, the hunger, but more the thirst. No one should have to live like that." 

"And yet, millions do." 

He nods, the darkness lifting a little. "I know you don't agree with what the First Order did, conquering systems and people, but we fed them. We never allowed children to starve."

Like the Republic and the Senate did. He doesn't have to say it. I know there's blame aplenty to spread around. The high ideals of the "good" players in the galaxy didn't always shake down to improved lives for those of us in the real world. 

"Why? Why did you care?" 

"Care?" Ben snorts. "Would you believe that content people, fed people, are much less likely to revolt?" 

"Yes, I would believe it. But that's not a good reason to do it."

"Well, the First Order was never described as altruistic. But we were effective. And it is a good enough reason as any. Either you spend money on soldiers and enforcing the peace, or you spend money to make sure people are fed and housed. It's actually cheaper to do the latter. The First Order was brutal, but it was a well-oiled machine. What would the Rebellion do if it succeeded in stamping out the First Order and "liberated" all of our holdings? Do you think the Rebellion would care about poverty? They care about freedom, and that's about it. Did you feel free, Rey, while you starved on Jakku?" 

It's like a slap in the face. Ben is never one to soften his opinions, to frame them so they are more gentle. And deep down, I know some of what he's saying is right. It's just hard to hear it. 

"I guess neither of us have to worry about any of that, since we're stuck in this rock," I say, not wanting to talk about galactic rule anymore. I know it was a part of him, and it's hard for me to tell how much of that way of thinking still remains. But he chose me, and he chose to destroy what he had worked so hard to build. 

"We'll get out. We just need to keep watching for our chance. It will come." This man I love is so confident. It makes me smile. 

"We've confirmed there are twelve children. We don't know where he keeps them in this labyrinth. I don't see a way out of this, Ben." 

"You never see the way out until it's in front of you. That's how life works. If you could see where you were going all the time, where would the fun be?" 

"Fun? This is not fun." 

He runs his fingers through my hair, and I lean into his touch. "I've been having plenty of fun." 

A droid enters the flat from the inside of the mountain and drops a package in the middle of the floor. My insides twist with anxiety. After it's gone, Ben pokes at it and decides it isn't going to kill us, then opens it. He frowns at the contents.

"What is it?" 

He lifts two lightsabers out of the box, handing one to me. I gasp, not quite believing what I'm seeing. A little note rests in the bottom of the box. 

               My pets. For your last battle. Use them well. I look forward to an excellent show. 

"That can't be good," says Ben, examining his weapon. 

We both activate them, and the familiar flood of the Force presses through me as I move the blade. 

"At least he finally gave us real weapons," I say, though in my heart I know Ben is right. Arming us well is a bad sign.