In Between (Completed)

33

"I love you so much. I love you."

Paulit ulit niyang sinasabi habang hinahalikan ako.

"I trust you."

Agad kong naitulak si Dylan noong marinig ang boses ni Shaun sa aking isipan. Ang paulit ulit niyang paalala sa akin na may tiwala siya sa akin. Kasama ng pag iyak niya. Dylan tried to go near me pero napaatras ako papuntang head board. Ngayon ko na lang din napansing nasa isang kama na kami dito sa private plane niya. Naitakip ko ang kumot sa aking halos hubad ng katawan. Mariin siyang napapikit at marahas na tumayo. Pinagtatapon niya ang mga bagay na makikita niya. He raked his hair due to frustrations.

"I'm sorry. I can't... I can't do this."

Marahas niya akong sinulyapan. Galit na lumapit. Aatras pa sana ako pero wala na akong aatrasan pa. Ikinulong niya ako doon. Itinukod niya ang mga kamay para suportahan ang bigat niya.

"Damn it woman. Don't ever tell me you regret this."

Hingal niyang saad sa akin. Napayuko ako.

"I'm sorry but I do."

Napasinghap siya sa naging sagot ko. Nag angat ako ng tingin kasabay ng paghawak ko ng mariin sa kumot.

"This is wrong. I'm sorry."

Napapikit ako noong malakas na isinuntok ni Dylan ang isang kamao sa may head board. Umalis siya sa kama sabay namewang at tumalikod pero agad ding humarap sa akin.

"If I tell you now the truth, will you stay?"

Tila ay desperado niya ng tanong. Napamaang ang labi ko sa narinig. Pero sa huli. Isa na lang ang namutawi sa akin.

"No."

Sigurado kong sagot. Napalunok ako at nagmatapang na makipagtitigan sa kanya. Napatango tango siya.

"Your parents asked me to break up with you. The begged me to leave you. At first I did not understand why but when they told me the reason, that made me think. You were so in love with me. So obsess that all you wanted was to be with me all the time, which I didn't pay much of an attention because I love being with you too until they told me that. It knocked all of my senses. You were almost failing in school because you did not take up your exams and quizzes just to accompany me. You failed on your grades because you skip classes just to visit me in my work. You chose not to attend your in- flight training class because you chose to attend on my graduation day. You were warned on your failed grades, and were asked to retake but instead of doing so, you left because it was our anniversary. Tita even told me that I failed them. That our relationship isn't healthy anymore. And I believed them. Because I saw. Baby, I witnessed your downfall because you loved me too much. Doon ka na sa akin tumitira. Naging obsess din ako sa'yo dahil gusto ko lagi ka ding nasa tabi lang kita. Hindi ko na namalayang nabulag na tayong dalawa sa sobra. Pinagako ko sa kanila na iiwan kita. Pero hiningi ko ang kamay mo, hiningi ko ang basbas nila na papakasalan kita kapag nakita ko ng okay ka. Na kaya mo na akong mahalin ng may pagmamahal ka sa sarili mo. Na kaya mong magtira para sa sarili mo. I don't want you dependent on me. I want to free you up of the idea that I can save you because we both know, I can't. No one can, but you. Kaya kahit mahal na mahal kita, ginawa ko pa din. Dahil alam kong doon ka matututo. I broke your heart to make you strong. It may look invalid to you, but that's how I love. This is how I love."

Yumugyog ang kanyang balikat sa matinding pag iyak. Maging ako ay napahagulgol na din.

"Sobra kitang minahal noon Dylan. Masama bang mahalin kita ng ganoon katindi? That is how I love too. Sa tingin mo ba ngayong nasabi mo na rason mo, babalik ako? You made this heart numb that I am no longer capable of loving too much. Yes, I love Shaun, but I am afraid to give him more of me and you must be proud of yourself, dahil ikaw ang gumawa nito.   You maybe my first in everything, you can even claim that you are my greatest love. Pero sabi nga nila, ang great love, madalas hindi mo nakakatuluyan. Marahil tama nga. Hindi nga siguro tayo ang para sa isa't isa. But thank you anyway for loving me. For making me wise. Thank you. Sana mahanap mo ang babaeng mamahalin mo at mamahalin ka sa paraang gusto mo."

I bitterly said. Lalo siyang napaiyak sa huli kong sinabi. Napaluhod na siya at napayuko. Nagulat man sa ginawa niya, pinili kong maging matigas.

"I will never love again after you. You will be my only. I am sorry. But I will never give up on you now that everything is aligned."

Seryoso siyang nag angat ng tingin sa akin. Nag iwas ako at lumunok.

"You are only wasting your time on me. Tama na. Please."

I almost begged. Tumingin ako ulit sa kanya. Dahan dahan, tumayo siya at nilapitan ako. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko when he painfully caressed my face.

"My time isn't wasted for as long I see you, reacting like this everytime I come near you.  You do have a foul mouth where words of lies slip out. But your body tells  something differently. And how your heart connects to mine strangely. Mahal na mahal kita, Brooke. Tandaan mo iyan."

He broke down. He reached for my hands that were tightly grasping the bedsheet. Hinalik halikan niya iyon at ikinulong ang mukha doon. Umiyak kaming pareho. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nasasaktan. Pero buo na ang desisyon ko. I am choosing Shaun. Nakatulog na ako after non. Nagising na lamang ako noong maramdaman ang malumanay na paghawak ng isang kamay sa akong pisngi.

"You're awake."

Nakangiting saad ni Shaun. Tinulungan niya akong makaupo. Isinandal ko ang aking ulo sa may headboard bago napalinga linga sa paligid.

"I was still at the airport when I received a call from Sandoval. He begged me to fetch you. I didn't know what really happened but the guy seemed too hurt. That was actually my first time to see him that... lost."

Nag iwas ako ng tingin pero agad naman niyang hinawakan ang aking kamay kaya napatingin ako ulit sa kanya.

"Look. I am not really forcing you to tell me the story. I know you're not comfortable. It's fine."

He said assuringly. Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. Niyakap naman niya ako pabalik.

"You know I love you right?"

He asked me suddenly. Tumango tango lang ako bilang sagot. He chuckled.

"Is this you, giving me a sign that I'm gonna have my most painful heartbreak anytime soon?"

Tanong niya habang tumatawang nakayakap sa akin. Napakunot ako ng noo dahil doon. Humiwalay ako ng yakap. I held his cheek and kiss his lip.

"I'm sorry for not prioritizing you and for making you think that way, but I want you to know that I made a choice. And I choose you."

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. Hinalikan niya ang kamay kong nasa kanyang pisngi. May tumulong luha sa kanyang kanang mata.

"I hope that choice won't be over too soon."

Makahulugan niyang sabi.