Letting Love In

Chapter 4, Part 3

SO MAYBE IT wasn't that bad, and maybe I let that slip out to Esther, who told it to Squirrel and they both rubbed it in my face that they were 'completely absolutely' right and I was wrong. They both are extremely childish for seventeen year olds. But for some reason their childishness is fun. I mean, its a relief they aren't stock up and bossy. They like to have fun and I guess if being fun is childish then yeah, they're childish.

We were walking home now. Which I dreaded because Jonny and I are the last stop. Which means after Squirrel leaves, Jonny Cooper and I would be left to walk down the street together and alone. Part of me wants to stay at Squirrel's place until I think Jonny is no longer in the streets, but I don't really like Squirrel's older brother.

Well he doesn't like me, and in return I don't like him. This dislike all started after I nicknamed Squirrel then hit him in the head with a bucket, which started with them kicking me in the shin, so really, its their faults. Squirrel's older brother, Emmanuel was a bad guy. I think what he did was bullying, all because his brother started a war with me. He'd trip me and push me down and slap me in the head, then call me names and tell other kids I have a disease (which is a lie). Emmanuel was a really mean kid. I don't know if he's still that way because I refrain from having any type of contact with him. So no, I will not go over to Squirrel's place just to get away from Jonny. Honestly, I'd rather stay with Jonny forever than have a day with dumb Emmanuel.

Esther would have been a good choice, but she left already, leaving just Squirrel, Jonny and I. Surprisingly, Esther's family doesn't hate me. They actually like me. They find I'm cute -- which I disagree with. I'm not cute. I'm a man. Men aren't cute. Anyway, it would have been nice at her place for the while. Her mother Margret would have provided me with food, lots of it. She's a chef and she loves people to try her food -- Esther gets fed up of it though.

We came to Squirrel's place and he waved us goodbye. Just as he was turning to walk up his driveway, I saw Emmanuel stepping outside. My eyes widened and I instantly turned my head to walk down the street even quicker. I think I even broke out in a short sprint. I'm not scared but Emmanuel is pretty aggressive looking. All tough and strong.

"You okay?" That was Jonny speaking to me. He ran up to where I slowed down to a pace. He held my elbow and I pulled away. I shook my head. "Don't touch me. And don't ask me if I'm okay."

"What's wrong with you?" He asked me.

"You're what's wrong with me. You being here and talking to me. Its annoying, I'm annoyed because you keep pushing. You keep appearing everywhere and trying to get close to me. I don't want you to get close to me. Jesus!" I let out a breath after speaking. Jonny just stared at me and I bit my bottom lip. I don't know how to feel right about now. He's just staring. He doesn't look insulted by what I said. He was silent. I looked around, wondering if I had actually said that out loud and he didn't really hear me. Maybe I just imagined I said that.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" I decided to ask.

"Tell anyone what?"

I cleared my throat and again looked around. No one was around us. There was an old woman walking down the opposite side of the street with a very large dog, but she didn't seem to pay much mind to us. Squirrel's house was about five houses down, looking completely abandoned now. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"That you saw me... Looking at you..." I mumbled awkwardly. Jonny continued to stare at me and I remained silent, feeling slightly embarrassed now that I've said it out loud.

"Why should I?" He asked then began to walk. I glanced back at him as he walked, then quickly turned to follow him down the street. Jonny was a really fast walker. We walked for a while in silence and I stared ahead at the sun which rested low on the horizon. Soon the sun will set and it would be dark.

My mother called earlier, during the class to see where I was, since I didn't inform her of my whereabouts for this afternoon. She was actually happy about me taking part in something like that. Which obviously means she'd probably send me back there for more.

I thought about my mom for a while and I nearly forgot I was walking with Jonny. I looked across at him. He seemed content with us walking in silence. "I I'm sorry about earlier...what I said." I said to him. Frankly, I didn't even know if I meant it. I shouldn't have said it. I bit my bottom lip nervously and stared at the ground, just so I wouldn't trip over air and fall on my face.

"It doesn't matter. Those things don't matter to me."

"What, words?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"Irrelevant words like those." That's Jonny for you. Uncaring about the negativity of the world and people, from since he was a kid. I wanted to stare at him, but I also didn't want to trip and fall. I swallowed dryly.

"You aren't happy?" I asked him and he almost immediately turned to look at me. I didn't notice it, but he did; that we were in front of his house. He flashed me a smile. "I'll see you around." With that, Jonny Cooper retreated into his house and left me standing in the streets. I sighed softly and walked quickly to my house.

It was already dark when I arrived home. My parents were both downstairs in the kitchen, cooking dinner. It was a nice moment to witness; their joy and happinesses; their shared laughter. It made me wish to be married and happy like that. I stared at them for a while, without them even noticing me.

Ma was chopping up vegetables on the chopping board and Dad was doing the same, except he wasn't. He had the board in front of him and he'd pile on the unchopped vegetables onto Ma's board. When she noticed him she would bounce her side info his and they'd both laugh. He'd kiss her cheek just as she put back all if his unchopped vegetables for him to do it himself. For some reason I found that cute.

Is that them being happy? Is that them sharing their happiness with each other. Their laugher says a lot; its not feign and forced. It sounds so natural. He kissed her cheek so naturally as though he didn't even have to think about it. Its as though being happy with her and loving her is like second nature to him.

I felt horrible for ruining their little cute-married-couple moment, but I felt like I was ready to eat a cow. I rest my bag on the kitchen table and smile at them both. "Hey parents."

"Don't hey parents me. Get your bag off the table." Ma said. I sighed softly but moved my bag to the chair, a chair which I've sat in since forever. "Now can I Hey Parents you?"

"Yes, honey." she smiled. I semi rolled my eyes and shook my head. I opened my mouth to ask for dinner but my dad beat me to it. "Dinner in ten, son."

"Sure thing pops." I replied and picked up my bag to go up to my bedroom, where I can have it wherever I want it. My parents turned back to their cooking and I remained for a while, just watching. How could they not feel me standing there? I turned on my heals then and walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs so I could go to my bedroom​.