Letting Love In

Chapter 6, Part 3

MY INDEX FINGER ran slowly along my lips. What was I thinking; kissing him like that? Despite all the negative thoughts running around my head, I still enjoyed his kiss more than ever. It was new to me and I loved it. Maybe its just Jonny. Maybe its just his lips and just him that has me feeling this way. I can't possibly be gay. Guys like me aren't gay.

I mean, yes, I'm not the tallest guy around, but I'm no midget either, I'm average. I'm not girly; very masculine. I study a lot but that's just how I am, that doesn't mean anything. I don't think about guys all day... Well besides Jonny. But that's only because he's everywhere. He's somehow fit himself into every part of my life, so I can't help but think about him all the time.

Jonny confuses me. His entire presence confuses me. I wish he'd stop. I wish he stopped when I asked him. I can't believe I allowed this to go on. I can't believe I allowed him to kiss me. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking. I'm still not thinking. I've lost my mind. Because even now, as I'm sitting here in class, all I want to do is think about Jonny Cooper.

This was the last class for the day and honestly I was glad. All I wanted to do was go home. I wanted to leave this place and these people and these thoughts; unfortunately only two of those things are remotely possible. The bell rang, thankfully, and I was the first person to leave, although our teachers hate when we rush out of their classes.

Squirrel met up with me while I was walking to the gates and he began to talk to me but I ignored him completely. I stared ahead and walked through the crowd as though there was none. Eventually, I just told Squirrel, "I just want to go." And Squirrel nodded his head and we walked out of the school compound and to his car. I was so grateful that he drove away almost immediately after we entered the car.

Frankly, I knew Squirrel would have left. He shows signs of annoyance when he's around us, and by 'us' I mean everyone besides Esther. His crush on her is major and completely expected. They've been together longer than any of us, best of best friends. Granted, she should be seen as a sister to him, but he can't help what he feels. He can't change how he feels about her. Its what he feels.

"'Manuel won't be home today, so your safe." Squirrel said with a chuckle. I scoffed, "I am NOT afraid of Emmanuel."

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Squirrel said with a smirk. He's completely aware of what's going on between his brother and I. And I'm almost certain he's on Emmanuel's side. Then again, why wouldn't he? I was an asshole kid to him.

"You remember that one Christmas-"

"When you hit me in the head with a paint bucket?" See, he does remember it, and he is probably going to strike back, but in the form of his brother. Maybe his brother actually is at home today and he'll hit me in the head with a paint bucket the moment I enter the house.

I chuckled softly and looked out the window. "You realize you deserved that, right?" I asked him. Squirrel began to cough loudly and dramatically. "I deserved that? I could have died!" He began to laugh and I laughed along. "Well you shouldn't have kicked me in the shin."

"When was that?" he asked incredulously. I continued to smile. "When we first met!" I argued.

"You're fricking insane. I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"I'm insane?" I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "You're the insane one. Do you think I'd just hit you in the head because I wanted to? I had a reason, obviously."

"A non-existent reason. Sure." We arrived at his place and the car stopped when he parked in his driveway, making it the only car parked there. Squirrel and I hopped out. I left my bag in there solely because I was banking on him taking me back.

Squirrel and I entered the house and he instantly dropped his bag like a pile of garbage by the door -- that seems like something I'll do, and my mother would kill me for it. Squirrel kicked off his shoes at the door as well and walked through the house in just a pair of socks. Kanye rushed up to him almost immediately and he bend down to play with the dog. I stared at the dog for a minute wondering why the hell it hasn't died yet. Bad thoughts, I know. When Squirrel straightened up I'd already think of a few ways to kill an overly old dog. Kanye went inside the house, leaving us where we stood.

I've been to Squirrel's place before. A lot of times actually, just never when Emmanuel is around. Squirrel's place is different from ours. His parents decided having the exact same house as the neighbors was unoriginal, which it was. They hired someone to do over the house, and so when you enter the house, you enter into a hallway which leads up the stairs. On their walls were family pictures and wall flowers. We walked past the threshold which leads to the kitchen and the one that leads to the living room, and went up the staircase.

"Brian!" His mother called when we were just at the top of the stairs. Squirrel halted all movements and I stopped as well. He turned on his heals and went back down the steps. "Mom. Yes." he answered when he was at the bottom of the stairs. He walked into his living room, but remained at the door, I did the same.

His living room is situated where our kitchen is, so he has a door in the living room to go to the backyard. Honestly if Emmanuel didn't live here, I'd be here more often. The place is a breath of fresh air. Its amazing that Squirrel's parents are the only ones who decided to change everything around.

Karen Williams was a tall woman, tall and strong. She doesn't take crap from anyone and finds it hard to take orders because she considers herself her own leader, or at least that's how Squirrel describes his mother. She's got a full head of thick, kinky hair, that she mostly has up in a puff above her head. Her face is young, she looks way younger than how old she really is, and her body tells the same story, except now, she has a small baby bump, but she still looks as equally good. Kanye sat at her feet, looking as lazy as ever.

"Oh I just wanted to make sure it was you." She said to him and he made a face. "You dragged me back down here to make sure it was me? That's redundant, mom!"

"Hey, don't raise your voice at me." She said. "But since you're already down here, can you pass me the remote, please?"

"Mom, its right there." Squirrel said and pointed to the remote which was at the coffee table right in front of the sofa which she sat on.

"Honey, I'm pregnant."

"Mom, but its-"

"I'll get it." I say, just so this conversation would be over. His mother smiled and nodded at me as I passed her the remote. "See, your friend is a good person, knows how to help a person in need. Brian, I'm sure you'd travel in a bus and never get up if a pregnant woman needs the seat. I don't know why your father didn't teach you to be a gentleman instead of just a man!" She quarreled.

"Okay, mom..." Squirrel rolled his eyes and twirled around to go back to the stairs. "Let's go."