Letting Love In

Chapter 6, Part 4

I THINK A good video game with the right friend can make a lot of problems temporarily go away. When I think about beating Squirrel in this game and thus becoming the rightful king of video games, I don't think about anything else. I think about crushing him!

We're both laughing loudly and grunting, although all we really needed were our fingers to play the game and not all the antics we were doing. I tried shoving him off the bed, so he'd lose balance and I'd win, but he never does. Eventually he moved away from me. There isn't much to do when he's behind me.

But then...

"Boom! I win!" That was Squirrel. He dropped the controller on the bed. "You can't touch me, bro, I'm so much better than you, man. Whoo!" He exclaimed.

"You're an idiot. I let you win." I chuckled.

"Lies. There is no way possible you could beat me in that game. I play that as much as I breathe." He admitted and I began to laugh. I dropped the controller as well, finally accepting my defeat. Squirrel continued to laugh which then died down to a small chuckle. He picked up his bottle of water and took a sip.

I stared at the controllers. I should have won. Would have been nice.

"I think the only person who's at least remotely capable of beating me is Esther." He smiled proudly, "And half the time I let her win." Obviously. He's head over heels for her. Its sad, but so very obvious. Its obvious in the way he looks at her and talks to her and talks about her. He acts as though he's in love. Squirrel would do anything, and I mean, anything for Esther, and he's proven it dozens of times.

For one, he collected a bucket in his head for kicking me in the shin, and I say this because I'm completely convinced it was Esther's idea to do that. Another thing, if any of us asks to get a ride to anywhere at all, he'd downright decline our request, but if Esther asks its an entirely different story (which we obviously use to our advantage). Squirrel once took detention for her, he got in trouble dozens of times for her, he spends money without even thinking about it for her. I think at one point in his life he even got chased by a dog for her.

That was actually a funny thing to see. Tall, Squirrel running down the street with a large black dog chasing him, and Esther running behind the dog while trying to contain her laughter. I don't even know how they managed to do that, but it was damn hilarious.

"Dude, you gotta get over her, you know." I said to him.

"What?" Squirrel asked me with guilty eyes. I sighed. Its unfortunate that Esther would never feel the same way about him, ever. She's into girls. Unless Squirrel can convert himself into a female, there's no way he'll ever get her.

"Esther. You like her, right?"

"I mean.. Yeah, she's a friend."

"Yeah, right. You like her. And its cool. But like dude, you've been hooked up on her for so long, you really should like, find someone else, you know."

"She doesn't like me, doesn't she? She told you that?" Squirrel asked and I bit my bottom lip awkwardly. I sipped the bottle of water offered to me by his mother, which I haven't touched since she gave it.

"No.. Uh don't you think its uh its obvious that you know she isn't really into you?" I furrowed my eyebrows but he just stared at me.

"Look, man, I feel like you're trying to be nice, but your failing." Squirrel said. I bit my bottom lip softly. "Okay. She's not into you. Move on."

"I don't care, okay. Whatever she's into, I'll be it, for her."

"You're gonna be a girl?"

Squirrel stopped and stared at me. I rose my eyebrows, but soon realized what I just did. My mouth opened to say something but I really didn't know what to say. I feel like I really screwed up. Esther is going to hate me. She trusted me and I told Squirrel. Oh god.

"She's a lesbian?" Squirrel asked me.

"Okay, don't tell anyone. I wasn't supposed to say anything. I'm sorry." I say quickly and bit my bottom lip. I rest my head in my hands. I should not be the one to keep these people's secrets about their lives. I swallowed.

"She's a lesbian?" Squirrel asked again. I looked up at him. Gosh, he looks broken. He sat on the bed and stared at the ground. "Shit, man, I'm sorry."

"She's a lesbian..." he muttered. I rest my hand on his shoulder, and tried to be comforting. Squirrel sighed. "Whatever, man. It doesn't even matter now, she likes girls. I've been trying for the longest while to get closer and closer and closer to her, all to be shut down in what seems like the worst way possible. She's into girls. What the fuck, man..." Squirrel shrugged my hand off.

"Look, its not her fault she's like that. You can't really help what goes on in your heart." I muttered. "I mean you can try and try and fricking try to ignore it, but its there, eating at you and poking you like the damn devil, until you finally give in and part of you know its sort of wrong but another part has been longing for it since h-" I stopped myself when I realized what I was actually saying. I swallowed dryly and refused to make eye contact with one of my best friends. Squirrel looked up at me and furrowed his eyebrows. He opened his mouth to say something but just stared at me instead.

"You okay?" He asked me and I instantly nodded my head. Of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be okay? Its just what happens, you know, she feels what she feels. She can't change that. She can't change any of this. If she happens to kiss someone she might probably like, its not her fault. She didn't know what could have happened if she got that close, and she tried to keep away, but it just happened. And she can't change that. Its already done and she can't change it.

"I'm fine. I'm just saying, you can't really blame Esther, you know." I finally replied to him.

"Yeah..." he says with his eyebrows still furrowed.

"You can just find someone else, yeah?"

"Yeah.."

"Can you just not tell Esther I told you, please?" I asked him.

"Yeah, no problem." he said to me. I nodded my head at him then turned my head to stare at the ground again.