Letting Love In

Chapter 4, Part 2

A SHORT GUY walked in, about my height, and looked young, and feminine. Is he gay too? Why didn't Esther and Squirrel tell me? Wait, if he is, does that mean that they're cool with gay guys? Or maybe its just gay guys they don't know. The guy wore a suit, and before I heard him speak, I would have thought he was a serious fella. He wasn't, obviously. After hearing him ask about me and who invited me, I realized he was a nutjob.

His short legs walked quickly to where I was and he stood behind me, with his hands on my shoulders. He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. I almost immediately flinched away. "Its a good way of greeting people." He said.

"No... Not really.." I awkwardly looked to my friends and they were just smiling up at this weird stranger who just kissed my cheek. Lee looked like how she looked since she entered -- depressed. The guy put his open hand in front of me, waiting for me to shake it. I did eventually.

"I'm Harry Ash Turner. I'm a proud transgender." As he said that, he turned away from me and began to walk around the table. "I like to tell people that because its the truth you know. And you should know that you can change who you are.. Wait, no, sorry. I got that wrong. You can't change who you are-"

"Shouldn't you be satisfied with what you have?" Lee asked and I looked across at her with wide eyes. She spoke. I didn't expect her to speak. And she did. Guess you can't judge a book by its cover.

"Yes. I mean, no. Always push for more. Always want more than what you have -- when it's good, obviously. Say you get slapped, don't ask for more." He said as he continued to walk around the table. I furrowed my eyebrows. He really sucks at this. I don't think I even understand what he's trying to say.

"Lee, what I'm saying is you are who you are."

"You were born a female. Does that mean that you are a female and not a male."

"No. You're wrong. I am a male."

"Are you saying god made a mistake?" Lee argued. I stared at her in shock. Honestly, I did not expect this. Two things; one, I didn't expect her to talk so much and argue back; two, I didn't expect her to be so very hateful. I sat there looking between Harry (I don't think I know what to call him) and Lee.

"Okay, Lee, stop. You should stop questioning me and just listen." He held out a finger to stop and silence her. I snorted and looked down. Lee furrowed her eyebrows at Harry then looked around the class. Squirrel and Esther seemed to be completely captivated by what was going on between the teacher and the student, if I can call them that -- teacher and student.

"Okay, if you must ask questions, please don't," he said and stopped walking where everyone around the table would be able to see him. "Anyway, that was just my welcoming to our new fellow. Today's topic is-"

"Is it just us here? And you?" I rose my hand, out of habit from doing it so many times in school. I lowered my hand awkwardly after I got his attention. Harry stared at me as though I just insulted him by speaking. I crinkled my eyebrows. "Sorry for uh interrupting but uh I'd like to know..." I decided to say, just so he'd stop giving me that look. Harry unfroze.

"Okay, well, fortunately, I mean, unfortunately a lot of neighborhood kids aren't interested, you know?" He bobbed his head. I rose my brows, "Right."

"Okay. Happiness!" He exclaimed. "How many of you here are happy? And don't just shove your hand up in the air without thinking, because that's just what you young people do -- not think. I want to you to think. How many of you are genuinely happy?" He asked. I stared around the class to see if anyone else was thinking about the question. Lee was her usual self and both Squirrel and Ether seemed to actually be thinking about it. They both are so interested in this program for youths.

I sighed softly and thought. Am I happy? Am I genuinely happy? I don't know. What makes me happy? I don't know. I thought. Happiness... Something has to come to me. Am I happy with my life? What's my life? Uhm... I'm a teenage guy, excelling in school and heading to college soon. Is that happiness? Another person might say 'Of course I'm happy. I'm surrounded by the people I love' or 'Yes, I think I'm happy because I'm always painting and I love art, and that makes me happy' but I don't have any of that. I have family and friends and I love them but I don't think I feel genuinely happy to be around them. Sometimes honestly, I just want to run away from them. The same people everyday of my life could get a bit boring.

And even if I did have an answer, I would not put up my hand because I feel like everyone would judge my answer.

"Are you happy?" he asked Squirrel. But before Squirrel answered, Harry said, "Oh, this is a private space, okay people. Whatever is said here, remains here. Continue."

"Okay well yeah, I guess I am happy."

"You guess?" Harry asked. Squirrel's reply was cut off when the doors opened again and almost everyone turned to look at it. In walked Jonny Cooper, with a cool guy aura about him. I stared.

"You!" Harry called on him. "Tell me, are you happy?" he completely disregarded Squirrel and his 'I guess' and stared right at Jonny Cooper. Jonny looked a bit confused and frightened at the same time, but eventually he said. "No." Harry stared at him and nodded slowly. "Thank you for your honesty."

"Have a seat. I'm Harry Ash Turner and I'm transgender." of course, Jonny smiled at that. "I tell people that because you can change who you're not, you can become someone you're more comfortable with." Harry looked at Lee. "Is that better for you?"

"No." she replied.

"Have a seat, kid." Harry said to Jonny. I stared at Jonny as he looked around at us, scattered around the table. I prayed that he didn't decide to sit next to me. Please don't sit next to me. Jonny's eyes met mine for a split second, before he began to walk to the opposite side of the table. He sat next to Esther. I sighed.

I stared at him as he greeted Esther, then he suddenly looked to me. I immediately looked away, but still felt his gaze on me. I tried to pay attention to whatever the hell Harry was now saying but that felt impossible to do because Jonny's eyes were still on me. I think having him opposite me is way worse than having him beside me. Now he can stare and no one would have a clue and I'd just be dying on the inside.

"Majority of you teens aren't happy. You all have some inner self conflict, whether it be, 'Am I not good enough?' or 'Is my hair too short?' or 'Will Jenny like me? Should I even be liking Jenny?'" Harry said to us as he walked around. Should I be relating to those? Because I think I do. And it doesn't help that the example's name is Jenny. I bit my bottom lip and stared downward. Harry stopped and stared at us. We were all very silent and unmoving. Personally, I was just thinking. I was confused. I wanted to know why what he was saying was actually relatable. I don't know for the other people.

"Say 'ah' if you're still alive." Harry said. I looked around to see if anyone said it, before I opened my mouth to say it. No one did, so my mouth remained shut. Harry sighed and shook his head. "Okay.. I guess I'm talking to a couple of dead people."

"You know I prefer interaction instead of... This. I actually enjoyed it when Lee argued with me, you know. That way I was sure I was having a class, in which both parties interact to come to an understanding. Do you understand me?" He asked the last part slowly. I rolled my eyes.

"Ah! An eye roll. Thank you! I'm getting somewhere. Give me more... Or just like.. Go home." I stared around, no one seemed to make a move to leave. I was going to, but no one else moved. I was on my own. I suppose no one else wanted to leave besides me. Not even Lee. I sighed. I guess I'm staying.

"Okay, well since no one made a move to leave, I guess we'll have more interaction and less of just me talking. So let's start!" Harry said happily.