Letting Love In

Chapter 3, Part 5

"WHAT?" I ASKED Jonny, instead of actually having a panic attack. Jonny's stare was intense and I felt like dying, literally. It wasn't just an expression. It wasn't just a 'My only pair of shoes for soaked' type of dying or a 'I lost my job and can't pay my rent' type either. It was a 'I was caught looking at my male neighbor while he was in the nude and I too was nude but I swear I didn't mean anything by it' type of dying. Does that make sense? It shouldn't make sense, because my situation doesn't make sense.

Jonny Cooper turned around then and walked out of the kitchen and out of the house. I couldn't breathe. He saw me. I didn't know how to feel about that. I didn't know if to feel embarrassed by the fact that he caught me -- which is what I should be feeling -- or if I should feel any way about him seeing me naked as well. And what did he think when he saw me? Did he look at my body like how I continuously stared at his? Or maybe he didn't look at me and he only thought about the fact that I was looking across at him as he stripped down to nothing. God, why did I do that?

That seems to be the only thing clouding my mind right now. There wasn't any Biology in there, earlier, there wasn't any math in there, and before that there wasn't any Chemistry in there. The only thing in my mind is Jonny and his words and what he could be thinking and what he could be doing about stuff.

I'm nervous as hell to even see him in the halls or even see my friends. I have the constant fear that he would tell my friends, all of them, and I'd be completely embarrassed. They would hate me for this. Everyone would hate me. How could I stare at a guy changing? What am I? Some kind of gay pervert? No. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm neither of those things. It was just one time. One look. That's all it takes. It doesn't even bother me. Jonny doesn't bother me. What Jonny Cooper does doesn't bother me. He just a person I happened to see in the nude. That's it. It doesn't matter to me.

The sound of the bell ringing snapped me out of my thoughts. I needed to get out of that class. I feel like learning about the human body in Biology is leading to me thinking about the human body, Jonny's in specific, naked.

God, why am I still thinking about this?

I walked out of the classroom when the class was over and ran my hands lazily along the railing as I walked. I stared out at the field trying to spot my friends, but soon I had to walk down the stairs and I couldn't scan the field. I jogged down the halls moving past the students strolling and talking to other strolling students. They probably found me extremely rude, but I would really just like to meet up with my friends before Jonny does and tell them all about how I was peeping at him in the nude.

I was happy when I at least found Squirrel in the queue at the cafeteria. At least I can warn him first and I'd have one person on my side when Jonny drops the bomb. However, as I grew closer to him, I noticed he was talking to someone else. How did I not see him there? How did I not expect Jonny Cooper to be there? The guy is everywhere I am. Its as though he does that on purpose.

They noticed me coming and they both turned to me. My eyes almost immediately went to Jonny. He was wearing his usual tight jeans and a normal T-shirt with a simple Nike logo on the top left corner of the top. He looked plain and comfortable, the exact opposite of how I feel standing here with them right now. Squirrel flashed me a confused look but I really couldn't explain it to him, not right now, with the devil himself standing right beside him.

"You okay, man?" Squirrel asked me. I shook my head automatically but then realized what I was doing and I nodded my head immediately after. Squirrel still looked confused. Jonny chuckled softly. I don't want to talk about this with anyone right now -- not even my closest friends. To be honest, I want to discuss it with Jonny. I want to actually talk to him about all this. 

"The girls are probably back at the table already." Squirrel said to me after a while of silence. As much as I want to pull Jonny Cooper away and slap him senseless, then ask him what the hell he's trying to do to me. I want to understand what's going on in his mind; that way I'd know if I need to go in hiding for the rest of my life. But I can't pull him away. I don't think I want to be associated with a gay guy in public.

"Okay. Yeah. Okay." I bobbed my head quickly then turned around to walk. I looked around at them, they've already seem to forgot that I was even standing there. I walked quickly to,  the concrete benches where I spotted Rian's taller, blonde head, then Esther beside her. I took a seat beside my girlfriend.

"Squirrel and Jonny are at the cafe," Esther informed me but I just nodded my head, because I already knew that, then kissed Rian's cheek. I took my seat. "Do you guys trust Jonny?" I asked.

Both Rian and Esther furrowed their eyebrows at me and gave me a puzzled look. I cleared my throat awkwardly. Maybe this wasn't the best way to say what I want to say. "What do you mean? Of course we trust Jonny."

"Yeah right, of course... But don't you think like... He's hiding something?" I asked them and rose my eyebrows. Both Esther and Rian continued to give me that 'What the hell are you saying' look and I just sighed. I blinked back and almost immediately notice Jonny and Squirrel coming back to us.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter." I muttered and looked away from them. They like Jonny, they would never believe me. But would they believe him when he's told them what I've done? I began to nibble softly on my bottom lip. I tried not to look as nervous as I really feel, but I failed almost instantly as Jonny and Squirrel sat down at the table.

Everyone around the table stared at me as I sat nervously looking around. I must look crazy; nail biting; lip biting; foot tapping; gazing around. God, what's going on with me.

"Hey, you okay?" Squirrel asked me. "What'd you girls do to the poor guy?"

"I gotta go." I said quickly and got up to walk away. I was glad no one followed. I walked out of the field and back into the buildings, climbed the stairs, shoved the door open and went to the very back of the library to crouch down and put my head in my knees.